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When family or friends are unsupportive

Boo13Senior Contributor30 Jan 2018, 6:21 am AEDT

When family or friends are unsupportive

Hi again,

I was wondering if anyone has experienced unsupportive comments or actions from other family members or friends about your loved one dealing with mental health? My sister in law recently spent some time with my son who has schizophrenia and commented to my husband that she feels he is sometimes 'bungling it on'. I am not sure what she meant by this or in what respect. She is very opinionated. My son has positive, negative and cognitive symptoms and is reasonably stable at this time on his medication. He is a bit slow and has difficulty comprehending things at times and this will vary from day to day. Perhaps seeing him vary in his ability to remember things etc causes her some doubts? Generally she is very supportive and concerned about him and has helped during suicide attempts, so why make such a comment?

i am disappointed. It makes being a carer so much more difficult when you feel you have to defend your loved one!

3 replies

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In response to: When family or friends are unsupportive

DeterminedSenior Contributor30 Jan 2018, 2:43 pm AEDT

Re: When family or friends are unsupportive

Hi @Boo13, I don't think we have met yet bu welcome.

I experienced a lot of this by my mum and sister with my wife who lives with Borderline personality disorder, particular after our first child was born. My darling was even told she was 'bunging it on' and to 'wake up to herself'.

Mum improved a little after a suicide attempt. She had something inappropriate to say about something that had happened and I lost it and told her to pull her head in ending with , you do realise she just tried to suicide... I think it shocked mum a lot. That was a few years ago now.

My sister pretends to understand but her head is too far up her own arse to understand anything. She says some really thoughtless anc stupid things and if she was not living at home with mum I would have little to do with her. She is not supposed to know anything other than my darling has been in hospital to sort out meds, I suspect however mum tells her everything based on comments she has made. (Sister lives at home bludging off mum).

My mum has been a lot better recently especially over the last 12 months, last 12 months has been really tough with a lot of time in hospital, I don't know how I would have managed without our mums, there are still times however my mum realy makes me wonder with things she says.

In response to: Re: When family or friends are unsupportive

DeterminedSenior Contributor30 Jan 2018, 2:51 pm AEDT

Re: When family or friends are unsupportive

I find it really hurtful when family are thoughtless or say stupid things in this regard, she is my wife and I expect her to be valued and respected.

Outside of family it is easy (for me) to just cut contact but for me family is diffrent, I shouldn't have to even say that something is not acceptable. Life is hard enough without having to be made to choose, my mum and siblings I would have thought would value that but aparently not,

At least now they all understand to varying degrees that my darling and children are my no1

In response to: When family or friends are unsupportive

Unknown userMember31 Jan 2018, 1:24 pm AEDT

Re: When family or friends are unsupportive

@Boo13

I don't think there would be any carer that has not experienced unsupportive comments or actions and it can be very hurtful.

Most of these comment stem from ignorance and often the person who makes the comment has no idea. Whilst it stings, I try not to get offended by it, viewing it as part of the whole MI short straw.

If I feel strongly about it I would try and educate the person, in the case of family, if appropriate I might would ask them to accompany me to some mental health education to help them learn about what is happening. It is lovely your SIL has been generally helpful as so many are not, it might be nice for her to go to a family or carer psych education session in any event.

If you feel strongly about what she said, you could ask her to clarify ... could be something quite simple. MI or not some of us have been known to try and pull the wool over someone else's eyes, exaggerating how sick we feel to get some sympathy or get out of a job, pretending to be asleep when hubby snuggles in ...

Darcy

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