To a Mother Who Didn't Love Me...

Hi @EternalFlame

I read you post earlier today but couldn't answer then - I understand though - my mother was very cruel to me too and it leaves very deep scars

For some reason I always had a strong sense of self - and fought back until I realised that hitting people was wrong and for some reason - maybe because other people loved me - I am okay - I always had a light within me that is very powerful and will not go out

Your mother broke your spirit - that is a sin - regardless of what your mother thought of her religious beliefs -

I am so sorry you have had to endure so much - my mother has gone too and I have been in better health since she died - I refused to see her for a long time before she died and I do not feel guilty about that

I wish you the best - I truly do - and thankyou for sharing your story - you are not alone

Dec

My mother broke my spirit in the name of religion.

Everything centred around her and her needs

Our roles were reversed from an early age.

I hated her ,yet i became her carer at the expense of my own family i tried to create.

I find it very hard to trust

Your not alone in your experience

I wish you well.

@EternalFlame I had a mother like the one you discribe, and I'm broken because of it also. Religion was a big part of it also, there is no escaping the eyes of the lord, often came from her lips leaving no where to hide, not even in the mind.

I guess many of us could compile a book on our experiences. I wish you well in your journey and sincerely hope you find true acceptance.

Thank you for sharing.

Hi @EternalFlame

You're right - some of us could write a book about the way our mothers treated us - I know I could but darn it - I would not want anyone to read it

My mother's thing was she couldn't be upset - it was detrimental to her health - I told her I couldn't upset her - she was already upset - it didn't go down well because I guess it upset her - as she saw it

A lot in my live has been really chaotic and Mum was upset and I think back now - remembering how terrible her last years were. If she had been upset a bit more when she was dishing out the silent treatment in such a way I had no idea I had done to cause this. We all need to be upset at times - it's a part of normal life - things do not always go our way and it can be hard to endure

But we can all learn to endure a situation - maybe this is a good or bad thing - who knows - but I am sure if she had learned to be upset when she was younger she could have been a better and more empathetic person

This is a good subject Eternal Flame

Dec

Thank you for sharing this @EternalFlame. I too had a less-than-ideal relationship with my mother. Her death was a great relief to me. I hope it helps a tiny bit to know that you are not alone in having had these sorts of experiences with your mother.

Thanks for sharing, @EternalFlame.

It was very brave of you to write your feelings down. I hope it was in some way a relief to put words to paper.

I also struggled with my Mum, who died 2 years ago. She was a very unusual woman and also extremely angry.... all of the time. I won't say she abused me- I don't know really, but I guess you could call it emotional abuse, although I tend to shy away from the word 'abuse'.

Let's just say she was difficult and I certainly suffered, to the point of having SI at only eight years of age. I had significant depression as a child, which went undiagnosed and untreated, mainly due to my parents both being completely clueless. I suppose you could say they were 'neglectful', but I would suggest that they were really incapable of helping me and did not know enough about children, or emotions in general, to realize that I required help!!

I suppose that is the definition of 'neglect', for want of a better word.

Anyway, their parenting and my experiences of childhood led me to never want to become a parent myself. So far, so good; I have never slipped up using contraception, in my entire 29 years of being sexually active!! (A great effort.)

@EternalFlame, please, if you can, start out today with self-love. That is where I found out I had to start. Try to live your life as though you love and care for yourself, even if you don't feel it, yet. Just try to go through the motions.... do loving things for yourself. Do them by rote, if you have to.... but just make a start.

Do you know anyone who loves themselves and accepts themselves unconditionally? Not many people do. But all of us have this capacity, believe it or not.

If you know someone who treats themselves well, then model yourself on them.

If you don't, then you will need to get creative. Start by allowing yourself to do the things you actually enjoy doing. That's where I started.

Hi @EternalFlame

I have just come across your post. I can relate to your story so much, while reading your post i had tears down my face.

I was sexually abused by 3 family members and my mother accussed me of not telling her earlier in my life. I still try to find the love that a daughter so wants from a mother, but i can't get it. It hurts so so much, the pain is unbearable. I so get your post.

I feel for you so much. Thinking of you, take care

BB xxoo