Being honest

Hi @Eden1919,

An honest thing about me: actually there are many honest things I write here on the forum that I don't share elsewhere. Just now, I'm thinking of how there are still days I can't get myself out to check the mailbox. It seems like such a basic thing, but my impulse to stay inside, away from public view, is just too strong some days. I find this embarrassing.

About being honest about mental health issues, I find that most people who do not have mental illness simply can't handle fully honest expressions of how we feel. It's only some people I am close to who can handle the truth about me most times. Even then, I am aware that my mental illness has the ability to negatively affect people and so, as much as possible, I try to manage the worst of things myself, with the help of the forum and my professional mental health supports. It would be great if everyone could take us fully for how we feel, but in my experience, the world (sadly) doesn't seem to work that way.

@Mazarita Thanks. I also find leaving the house difficult.

My honest thing for the day is.... I want to yell and scream at this one person but i know if i did it could have negative consequences for me but i dont even care how it would make them feel if i did.

I've had those kinds of feelings too, @Eden1919, and have even yelled at screamed at people in the past. I do almost anything to avoid that these days, as it hurt them so much and I later regretted it, felt terribly guilty and ashamed. I still carry these feelings to this day really. But I think it's great to be so open about how you feel. That's the first step to healing the pain that is giving rise to those feelings, and to release it.

@Mazarita that is true. this person just makes me so upset i wish i could cut them out of my life but sadly that is not possible.

Sometimes it is good to leave behind overly troubled relationships, @Eden1919. Sorry that you have to endure the situation for now. Do you ever use deep breathing techniques to try to calm down intense feelings that can't be released? I find that sometimes helps. Also, just writing about it is a great way for some people, like writing about it here. I like the idea of this thread.

Apart from here on the forums. To be honest and open( about my mental illness)is fraught with danger. Danger of rejection. Of not being believed. Danger i will be told im just attention seeking.danger i will hurt the ones i love (emotionall)

Danger of rejection is the biggest. I become super sensitive to the mear hint or my perception that i will be rejected. And so follows my issue with trust or should i say lack of. In a crisis this ofcourse its all at its worsed. At the very time i need to reach out for help. I feel like i just somehow have to manage by myself. Ive learned a few skills that help me through. Reaching out to a person is so very hard. I figure if i let myself down its ok. It doesnt hurt anyone else. But it is a very lonely way to live.

@Mazarita I would let this person go but they happen to be my case manager.... and deep breathing does not work at all for me personally i find art more helpful.

That makes sense to me too, @Eden1919. Creativity has been central to my life and helped me a lot with mental illness.

Hi @Eden1919

I think sometimes it is very hard to be honest with people around me. I struggle with it alot. With me, it is really answered in two ways.

1. I don't tell people what is happening because I don't want people to know my history. I am worried that if they find out they will judge me, treat me differently.

2. I don't want to tell me family everything because I don't want to worry them. I don't tell my hubby about all my SH and very little about my SI. Just becasue I am going through it why should he. I guess I am trying to protect him.

Both these I realise are not a great way of looking at it and my psych and I have been working on me being more honest and reaching out to family and different supports when I need help in order to stay alive.

Like others, I am alot more open and honest on this forum than I ever am in real life. I am honest with my psych but still struggle to tell him things (but am working on this). I think with this forum being anonyomous, it is easier to be honest than with people you know.

So myself, honestly, if I can get through each night and be here the next day than at the moment that is a success, that is all I can ask of myself.