Not feeling very sane

Good morning to you @dhr53. I see you've been a member here for a couple of years, but that you're not a regular contributor. Which I guess means you come here when you are at your lowest. It sounds like that is the case now. I'm really sorry for what you are going through, its such a difficult thing to have to cope with.

My husband is also dealing with Stage IV cancer, in his case its metastatic melanoma which is inoperable and incurable. I think sometimes its equally as difficult for the carers and loved ones to cope with as it is for those who are suffering. With regards to your partner, is he receiving any targeted treatment at this stage? My hubby is undergoing immunotherapy, with the hope that it will prolong his life in some degree of comfort.

Running a farm is hard work. I know because I grew up on a farm and my husband and I used to have a farm until 8 years ago when we decided to sell. We had a superfine merino wool enterprise, only small but still much to do. As my husband had physical and mental health issues at the time, a lot fell on me to do. In the end we couldnt cope with it any more and were forced to sell.

Please dont apologise for the story, sometimes a rant lets off some steam which is helpful. I hope it was for you. As for the drinking too much - yep, been there and done that. I suffer from ptsd myself and so drinking too much can be a real trap. I try very hard to avoid it, but there are times I over indulge as well. Last night happened to be one of those times for me. Unfortunately it was not to celebrate the new year, it was more about drowning my own sorrows. I regret it this morning of course.

Whatever makes you think you are selfish? Is there any chance of selling your farm and moving some place where life could be easier for you both, as well as providing some company? Do you have family nearby, children? Are you receiving help from your GP, psychologist or counsellor? It may help to check in with your GP and discuss your current situation, if you havent already. If you arent already on medication, perhaps that is an option as well.

I know I havent been much help here @dhr53, but I read your story and related to it, hence my reply. I will tag a couple of the guides here who may be able to direct others here who will likely be of more assistance to you than I am. @Faith-and-Hope @CheerBear @Phoenix_Rising.

I'll check in with you again later.

Sherry

Hi @dhr53

I don't have any answers for you, but I can relate to being a carer, having the responsibility of working full-time and caring and doing all the daily "life" stuff, as well as having mental health issues myself, and wanting to move somewhere smaller like a unit but hubby not wanting to, and drinking too much.

Thinking of you.

Hi @dhr53 ......

Reading along here and feeling for you .....

@Former-Member has quite a lot of parallels going on, and there will be others here too.

If you haven’t been in touch with Carers Australia, please give them a call. It’s important to understand that there are people who can offer support and respite, because carers burnout is a real thing, and I can hear you suffering from it.

http://www.carersaustralia.com.au

Even a couple of hours just to have headspace for yourself is so important. Someone may be able to come and sit with your partner and give you a break. There are also other support and counselling services available ..... and we are here to walk along with you too .....

🌷

@dhr53Dont Apologise. Many people, like me prefer true stories to gloss. Not selfish, but going through life changing and demanding circumstances. A partner with bowel cancer is no picnic, a farm to run, no walk in the park. There probably is not much caring coming your way atm.

@Former-Memberhas good points.

Take care of yourself.

@dhr53, there is absolutely no obligation to continue contact here if you dont wish to. It sounds like time is a very valuable commodity for you anyway, and your efforts are required elsewhere. So its understandable that you may not find time to chat here more regularly.

But it is very important that you take care of you a little more than you might have been lately. And anything that you can do specifically for YOU, would be a good thing. If that means coming on here and having a chat with like minded people about how your life is being affected, then so be it. Otherwise I can suggest that you try very hard to do something else as a bit of an outlet for yourself. Whether it be taking up a new hobby, getting into town to go to a coffee shop with friends or family, or perhaps beginning a new sport. A lot of country areas have things like tennis, without having to make the trek into town.

I am pleased that you are okay most of the time. I think for a lot of people the Christmas period weighs heavily on them, for any number of reasons. I hope you are able to get back to your usual capable and happier self soon.

We are all here anytime you chose to come here, whether that be daily or annually. Whatever you need.

Sherry