MimiandMoonNew Contributor
Can I Still Be A Friend?
Hello. I am new here and looking for some advice. It's a long post but I'd really appreciate if you'd read and share your thoughts.
One of my oldest childhood friends - we'll call her Moira - has dealt with severe anxiety and depression since we were little girls. To the point where I was the only person she'd talk to, through most of our school years. We are now both 22 years old (over a decade of friendship), and I'm still, essentially the only friend she has.
For a few years, now, I feel as if I've been playacting the role of friend. Every day, she seems to slip further and further into her mental illness, and frankly I think a lot of it is often enabled by her family members. As little children, it was made clear to everyone around her and her mother that we weren't to talk about anything that could upset Moira. This often led to all of us around her praising her hugely for every little accomplishment, keeping conversations very surface level, and giving into whatever she wanted. As a child, I accepted this and Moira readily. As an adult, now, though, I'm uneasy.
Frankly, I don't think it's the mental illness that is so much of a problem as the behavior Moira has now come to expect from all of us, and her mother demands. Moira has moved to a different city, where she has no job and does not attend school, but has her mother pay for her expensive studio apartment. Her current boyfriend is a drug dealer (not making this up). She refuses to move home, even though every two weeks or so she has a crisis that forces her mother - who's struggling financially - to buy a last minute plane ticket to go help her out. Which, I guess, is not my problem, that's her mother's choice. But today really hit a nerve.
Moira was in town for the holidays, and I was invited to her family's home to decorate Christmas cookies. And it was unlike anything I'd ever seen. She was so incredibly rude to her family members, making little insults that she would pass off as jokes, as everyone else around her was working hard. She yelled at her grandmother for using up the red food coloring that she wanted, and couldn't let it go. She kept insulting the grandmother, who said nothing, but simply left the room, to go take a nap on her own. When the grandmother was sleeping, she went to smear frosting on her face as a punishment. The adults in the room looked the other way, barely saying anything at all. I was the only one who told her no, that she was being mean and vindictive, but she did it any way. And when, soon after, she decided she was bored of frosting cookies her mother jumped and quickly packed us all up to take us home.
I've made a lot of excuses over the past ten years. I've been understanding. I've listened. I've complied. But I feel like I'm being asked to participate in utter insanity, and turn a blind eye to behavior that is only partially driven by anxiety, but mostly driven by being spoiled. I'm feeling a need to cut ties with her, but am scared, as I'm the only friend she really has, and worrying that I'm not being understanding ENOUGH. Any thoughts? Thank you if you've read this whole thing.
