No energy. No fun. Summer is over-rated.

Hi @Orphanim,

I get where you are coming from - the heat and me don't always mix as I become a sweaty mess

The medication shift with the heat must be really challenging and I understand your frustration at not being able to get to drawing. Sometimes even though we know we should be doing something, it makes us feel a bit pressured to do that thing. Maybe you could give yourself a break? Maybe you could pick a different indoor activity like finding a new show to follow- some inspo here, joining christmas activites in here, cooking some cool (temperature wise) and simple food?

With the pressure off, you may gently find your way back to drawing again! Combating energy is difficult as well. Maybe try one yoga pose from here, @Phoenix_Rising is great at rallying the troops for a pose! Have you got anyone that come over and visit you?

Hi @Orphanim,

That sounds super frustrating wanting to draw but not having the energy. Drawing and being artistic in general has never been my thing - I am super bad at it! However, I've recently discovered that I can create super cool pictures on the computer. You mentioned that while you are struggling with the heat, you are "wasting" a lot of time on the computer. This made me wonder whether perhaps you could explore ways of being creative using your computer? I know nothing about various drawing apps / software etc. (I've just been playing with Publisher), but I do know there are super cool things out there. I wonder if it would be helpful to explore something like that?

@Former-Member

I get where you're coming from. Trying something different and giving myself a break from other commitments is a sound idea. I'm just so low on energy that it's a struggle to try other things. I don't really watch shows these days. Maybe some day that'll change. I don't have people that visit me, but I'm not alone in the house, which is good. I find I get lonely when I'm left to house-sit. It's ironic, because sometimes I really just wish I could be alone. 😛 I'm not particularly interested in trying yoga. It probably sounds counterproductive of me, but I have very strong... impressions of things that I do or don't want to do; when I feel like doing something, then I'll do it. I find it just stresses me out to try and force it. I suppose it's the same for my drawing... it's just really hard to watch the hours slip by.

@Phoenix_Rising

I can create some neat little images in photoshop using just the mouse and the pen tool. I use it to create emblems like this:

I also do things like sprite art for an RPG-maker project I've been working on. Motivation and inspiration are still problems for both, though. I find I really need a push from a friend or acquaintance to get moving on something (the above picture was made at another person's request, for instance). In addition, I actually do most of my actual drawing using a graphics tablet at my PC, which is why it's so frustrating for me to not be using it. It's hard to even just do little scribbles... I've sort of conditioned myself to be too hard on my own work, so I'm afraid of trying. Maybe that's why I find it easier to do art when people request stuff from me.

Thanks for the kind words from both of you. 🙂 Today was a bit cooler, thankfully, so I managed to get outside for a morning walk and have coffee at a cafe. The staff had been wondering where I was and I had to tell them I was sheltering in my bat cave! 😛

@utopia

It definitely dampens the mood, that's for sure! It probably doesn't help with eye strain when using the computer either; something that I'm always nervous about.
It is a vicious circle. I've always been praised for being brilliant or full of promise by those around me, though. It makes it hard for me to not want to push myself. I don't want to let people around me down.

That reminds me. Just last night, I had a dream about being back in high school, taking an exam and just walking out on it, unable to cope with the pressure. I wandered around the grounds, filled with guilt, waiting until I inevitably received that big, fat 'F' for my abstinence.

@utopia

My dreams range from being stressful echoes from my time in school mixed with my present fears of failure and inadequacy, as I had last night, to fanciful and optimistic. Sometimes I wake up from a dream and become melancholic at the knowledge that none of it is real: In the course of a dream I can get quite invested in what happens, in the characters and sometimes whole worlds that my mind created. Often it's a close friend or a lover. Someone that I feel connected with and can open up to. Other times, it is a sense of purpose and fulfillment gained during the dream that eludes me in the waking world. There are some people from real life that frequently return to me in my dreams, and often we have a closer relationship than we ever had in real life.

I actually had a dream once that involved Kali, the Hindu goddess. I was friends with a person who served as her avatar in the mortal world. We would frequently meet up and engage in complex rituals where she tried to help me ascend to some higher plane of existance. I failed each time, from exhaustion or human error, but she'd always reassure me and get me to try again. That dream always struck me as rather odd, and it's stuck with me ever since: I'm not Hindu, nor am I particularly knowledgable about the faith.

I digress. Thank you for your kind words, utopia. You bring peace to my mind and help me to focus upon the bigger picture instead of the moment in which I exist. 🙂

@utopia

Indeed. I'm not a religious person by any means, but I do have a sense of spiritualism. It is rather fitting, too: I didn't know much about her other than her name and appearance at the time. She is known as the destroyer of evil and the mother of the universe, as well as 'Adi Shakti'; Shakti being a feminine energy of creation and change. I have a very strong bond with my mother, and she means the world to me.
I have always refused to give up. Even when I've had no faith in myself, I have continued to exist because I love the world around me and I love my mother.

Thank you again for speaking with me. I hope you have a good night, and that we can talk again soon. c: