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Hi @Former-Member

It sounds like you have tried to put yourself out there in lots of different ways and on lots of occassions, it is really brave to keep pushing.

I am sorry to hear that you have had such bad experiences... although those cant be removed I hope that through the forum and building connections with other members you are helped to feel less alone and more supported. They are a wonderful bunch of people who genuinely care and always have the best of intentions

if your interested we do a sunday funday thread here where we try and create a community weekend by sharing what activity / thought / home improvement we are doing and more importantly checking in on one another. hopefully you can come by 🙂

Its a great idea to start this thread. @Former-Member I noticed you have been around on the forum for 10 months, but dropped off a bit. Thats a while. I liked some of the old posts and threads and still trawl through them occasionally.

I dont believe in advice .. my style is "I" messages or philosophising ... I try not to overgeneralise but probably a few slip through.

My Sunday is quiet ... like my life ... if it is not quiet I get stressed and agitated and the pressure goes straight to my neck then the bulging cervical discs play havoc with my spinal nerves and I am flat on my back.

I just walked to the postbox for snailmail .. to post my licence back to civic compliance and send off for some music for a holiday I am planning in January.

The street was buzzing with kids and a family was having a party in a driveway. So I know what you mean. In the past I would have been triggered or awkward about it but not today. It can remind me of my big gaping wounds ... so I work hard to cover it up with sticky tape.

I have also put a lot of effort into friendship and family and have not been well rewarded for my pains ... I hear you that you are well experienced with many therapuetic styles.

I do not believe being alone is necessarily a sign of poor social skills or being popular a sign of good skills .. I am trying to love my loner more .. thats me. I have had dreadful loneliness ... too .

I am glad you are posting again @Former-Member .

Hey @Former-Member, I hear ya re the ramping up of anxiety for days after a social event. I am at home alone during working hours - I am extremely fortunate to have a life partner who has a high tolerance for crazy. I fill my days with dog-mothering, reading and hanging out on line. I am SO glad I have found this community here, it has really added to my life and I feel a lot less lonely.

I am so glad you are here, and your articulate and thoughtful posts have been really great to read today (I only came across your posts for the first time today).

I am so socially awkward! When I was working, i was always 100% task focussed and that helped, I was also a manager, and had to create a sense of team, and that was a challenge. I hate talking about 'small talk', can't stand sports so 'footy' was out, I just found ways to put aside my aversion for small talk and learned to ask the kinds of questions I hear other people ask.... (with genuine listening) to the answers.
"How are you?" (hate that one!)
"What did you do on the weekend?",
"Did you hear about xyz on the news?"...

People find people who ask questions (and concentrate on the answers) very interesting, because most folk like talking about them selves...

I like this tip I go from the old 12 step meetings I used to go to...

"To have friends I have to be a friend".

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@Former-Member - It's wierd here, i have launched right in participating but now am feeling like I am saying too much. Anxiety rising. Glad my conversation starters were helpful though.

Anyways, getting over myself - here's the answer to the dog question.

The fostering can be pretty demanding, when they first come sometimes (majority of times) the greys need some very careful and consistent care in toilet training, one has to be prepared for mishaps and from adult dogs that can be quite a lake on the floor, the boys especially scent mark everywhere (usually outside but sometimes inside too) and you have to be vigilant and consistent in cleaning up and taking them to where they should 'go'. This is proabably the number one (ha ha) job for the first week, that and loving them carefully so they relax in their own time. The way I manage toilet training is for the first few days, just like a puppy, every hour on lead and out to the area where I want them to go to the toilet. Standing with them while they eat their breakfast and dinner (on lead) and then as soon as the last gulp is done - outside to the toilet spot and standing about saying "pee, pee" until they do - then acting like they just gave you the best present you ever received!

Yes, they can be quite shy, but not every one. A foster carer has to have a sense that this is all about the dog and the job is to habituate and help the dog become the best family pet, so needs lots of socialisation, walking out (which doesn't have to be arduous I can only walk for about 10 -15 minutes at a very gentle stroll and even that cripples me some days) and be aware (but not stressed and hyper-vigilant) of how they are behaving, whether they are stressed, or too eager, or any other myriad ways they behave when out in public. They have usually lead VERY sheltered lives, in kennels, and at the race track and thats it they are very niave like puppies, but in full grown up to 40 KG dogs bodies and sometimes willful. But every one I have fostered has been a beautiful being int heir own right, just needed a hand to blossum.

You have to be able to chat with people and negotiate interaction and socialisation with dogs and kids, be aware and on the job as they meet new people, kids, other dogs, look at birds, cats etc int he street and guage what they will do and be on top of that. Number two most important job is getting them to learn to be social animals - about how the foster dog interacts with other dogs, people, kids etc. It's all part of the job for me and I love it. The great thing about greyhounds is they just about sleep 22 hours a day and only the really big males need a 30 minute walk or even 30 x 2 a day. So I ask for smaller males and females.

On my bad days, I just lay low and they are happy to sleep, but I take them out AT LEAST every second day. They stay for 6 to 8 weeks, so you do need to make a commitment of that scale to each foster period. Oh, and you also need to be prepared that the foster scheme managers come and assess your house, yard and you - and interview you to ensure you would be a good foster carer.... Hope all his info helps you decide.

I have heard about PTSD and other disability therapy dogs, Guide Dogs have a Pets as Therapy service for dogs who don't make the grade as fully fledged guide dogs but they still have good temprements etc... more here: https://guidedogs.org.au/pets-as-therapy