Advice needed: telling a new partner about psychotic symptoms

Hi @Joelly88 welcome to the SANE forum It sounds like you had a rough after you received your diagnosis last year, but it's really good that you have been managing well since then.

It's understandable that you are concerned about how to tell a new partner about hearing voices. I think a lot of people who struggle with these symptoms are concerned about this too, so you certainly aren't alone there.

There are several threads here on the forums where memmers discuss various issues to do with managing and dealing with schizoeffective disorder. It doesn't look there is one that directly addresses the issue you are experiencing, but you still may find them helpful.

I recommend checking out the 'Living with a Partner with Schizoeffective Disorder' thread here or the 'Working with a Mental Illness' thread here which discusses schizoeffective disorder as well.

I hope you find the forum helpful

Hey @Joelly88 and welcome to the boards. My apologies it has taken a while to reply to this thread, I had an internet outage which saw me offline for several days.

With regards to your question on how to inform your partner (or potential partner) about psychotic symptoms, I wouldn't be saying in your first date, but at the same time, honesty is the best policy I find. I was lucky in that my Mrs and I both met on a Facebook support group for people living with mental health conditions, so she already knew I had a mental illness. After I told her my diagnosis and what this entails (I am schizoaffective also), she was a little confused, especially after she saw me plunge headlong into a psychotic break with severe depression on top of it. However, she stood by me with a lot of support (she visited me each day whilst I was hospitalised) and today we are very solid in our relationship.

If you meet someone and think they are not a keeper, it's probably not worthwhile divulging your mental health diagnosis to them. If you decide you want to take the relationship further, then by all means let them know. It is important to let them know there is a lot of negative stigma surrounding that particular illness, but that doesn't necessarily define you as a person. Point out your level of functionality (you're high functioning) and if they continue not to be supportive of you on your recovery journey, then they obviously aren't the right person for you.

Plenty of good partners are out there, ones that will understand and support you, regardless of your diagnosis.

I'm as open as possible, but you can't control how people are going to react.
Some people in my life reacted well and supportive, and I've also lost a lot of friends.
I love how your main concern is girls!

Which to be honest just makes me very cynical, can I ask about the rest of people in your life? How have they taken it, what have they said?
To be crude, if your main goal is to get laid, who cares what you tell them or don't tell them.

But if it's a relationship you're after then you're going to have to let the person that she is and the way the relationship develops guide you. How much do you trust her? How long have you known her? Are you together so much you can't hide the need to take pills?

It's not something you HAVE to tell another person, but when youstart a relationship and you get to know them, and they begin to trust you then it begins to become a problem if you haven't told them.

Can you see where I'm coming from? It will come to a point where you need to tell them, but if you're not after that kind of a relationship than you never need to tell them if you don't want to.

Hi @Bettinae21, good question...

I had an ex-partner who thought it was her job to put me down and with it all my beliefs and such. She called my whole life a delusion. If I fought for my rights as a human being, I was met with her putting me involuntarily into the hospital for sometimes a lengthy stay. During these stays, I would suffer severe depressive episodes because of the situation I was in. It took me a long time to realise what she was doing was abuse and I was able to get away from her thankfully.

As for my so-called delusions. I do have what some people would call 'odd thinking' sometimes, but I do a lot of reality checking with my Mrs and close friends (basically people I trust). Sometimes partners just don't understand MH issues at all I find. I guess I am lucky in that regard as my Mrs would never dismiss anything I had to say unless she could back it up with evidence to the contrary. She knows justs because my point of view and beliefs may differ, doesn't mean I'm wrong or bad.

Thanks for your reply, @Former-Member.

Yes, I was referring more to a relationship. The person I'm referring to knows that I have mental health issues, and that I take medication for depression - but not about my psychotic symptoms. And you're right, that's what I'm worried about: leaving it too long to tell her, and having her think that I've kept something very serious from her; but don't know how to balance that with telling her "too soon".

Thanks @Queenie - that's really helpful.

Don't be sorry at all @Bettinae21!

To other people in my life, I have been able to just describe very clearly what I hear during a hallucination, and how that affects me; e.g., I can't focus on other people talking to me at the same time, I might turn around because the voice is coming from behind me, etc.

Generally, people just take my word for it and try to help where they can. Sometimes, people who I often talk to about it, might get frustrated and suggest that I just need to "get through it". I.e., they're frustrated because they don't understand what I'm going through, and don't know how to help me. This is often a reminder for me not to overload other people with my stuff. E.g., is it absolutely necessary for me to tell my sister (who I live with), that I am hearing voices / have heard a voice? I try and be more wary of this type of thing now.