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unsafe places / xmas

-Rayne-Senior Contributor12 Dec 2017, 6:20 pm AEDT

unsafe places / xmas

if somebody has already posted about this elsewhere, please tell me and i will go there. i can't keep up. especially lately - all the words confuse me. i saw a thread about being alone at xmas. i didn't want to hijack it by saying my thoughts there. i understand that can be distressing.

i would much rather be alone though than be with people who are unsafe. i wish i was strong enough to say, "no i will not go, i will do whats good for me/us". i'm not though, so we go back there again next week for 10 days. flashbacks and body memories and numbness and si are crushing me already. i have nobody to blame but myself because i'm an adult now and i just need to say no - but i can't.

i don't know if there are others out there in the same situation who are able to write about it but if you are and if you can, then please do so.

my friends don't understand why i go. i can't explain why i can't not go.

alone

6 replies

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In response to: unsafe places / xmas

Unknown userMember12 Dec 2017, 6:39 pm AEDT

Re: unsafe places / xmas

being adults really doesnt make it any easier to deal with crushing fear that comes from more extreme experiences that we've had. Im glad that you've shared here about it. I am 'lucky' in some ways that i no longer have to face people, but am so alone too, which is better than the alternative though. you aren't to blame though @-Rayne- but understanding it and i also carry so much shame and guilt that i recognise in some ways that i shouldnt.
hope you are ok

In response to: Re: unsafe places / xmas

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor13 Dec 2017, 1:52 am AEDT

Re: unsafe places / xmas

Feeling for you @-Rayne-.

Is there a way to shorten the stay ? Can you go later and leave earlier ?

Make other plans and then say that you have been invited elsewhere, so you can’t stay the whole time ?

it might be a start to being able to say no properly next time .... breaking it down into smaller steps.

In response to: Re: unsafe places / xmas

-Rayne-Senior Contributor13 Dec 2017, 5:07 pm AEDT

Re: unsafe places / xmas

@Former-Member @Faith-and-Hope thank you

yes the fear is the biggest thing right now. i can tell myself that the past is in the past but i'm not convinced that it is. i'm not. we're definitely not. there has been too much weirdness in the last few visits.

i am going there for less time this year than last - 10 days instead of about 3 weeks. for many years i didn't go at all but i had a good excuse because i was living in WA and they're in NSW. now i'm in Vic and can't do that excuse. the adult (and honest) thing would be to say, 'i don't want to visit you and especially not at this time of year because A and B and C'. but it's not possible to do that.

In response to: unsafe places / xmas

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor13 Dec 2017, 5:54 pm AEDT

Re: unsafe places / xmas

Assuming they know what they have done @-Rayne- you can just say that you are not available to come, and not give any reason at all ..... it is your prerogative ..... but I also know that is far more easily said than done .....

In response to: Re: unsafe places / xmas

-Rayne-Senior Contributor14 Dec 2017, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: unsafe places / xmas

yeah @Faith-and-Hope. i can't do that. i don't know why. i can't explain it. it's what i should do and what i know i should do but i can't articulate why i just actually really physically can't do it.

i feel stupid saying that and voices say something similar. they are scared. and some are angry. i want to do it different though. i just can't. i know that's a pathetic excuse.

thanks for hearing.

In response to: unsafe places / xmas

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Dec 2017, 8:05 pm AEDT

Re: unsafe places / xmas

You have to go with your own consensus @-Rayne- ..... but you might be able to develop some more strategies as you go along.

💜

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