Hi @shanc
I have been where you are now many years ago - I did suffer alcoholism for 10 years. I can so relate to "I love it...the escape from my brain". It was about escaping from the emotional pain for me, plus the fact I really enjoyed drinking socially.
It definitely catches up and triggers depression and/or makes it worse. It also effected me physically after awhile, even though all my blood tests did show up as all was well also. Although I was classified as functioning - I felt the fatigue at the end of the sessions and the toll on my mind and body after awhile.
I did realise it was not the answer to my pain, as it resolved nothing only for the pain and stesss to come back twice as bad when sober. That's the vicious cycle I found .
i thinks perhaps what helps each individual is very individual. For me I wanted better - to feel better and be better as the drinking and escapism/reckless lifestyle was making me feel empty. I lost a lot because of it - career, relationships, maturity, being responsible and self esteem. I was also promicious when drunk (not when sober), and relationships were destroyed.
I found also spirituality, forming values and having a purpose helped me back then to give up alcohol as I found something more fulfilling....this new found purpose helped to restrain the urge (which I still can have). Finding healthier healthier solutions to coping with my pain and facing it rather than avoiding the mental issues which only served to come back and haunt through avoidance and suppression.
Wanting to be a better parent also instigated my resolve to be free of addiction.
Believing in a better future, holding onto hope and taking those necessary steps to gain it with setting personal goals helped. Also avoiding initially, until I grew stronger, those places/people where I might be tempted to drink a lot. Mixing with people who valued me and cared (my drinking started from experiencing childhood abuse resulting in mental health trauma, anxiety, depression, bi-polar etc).
I never sought group help - I did this through my own resolve.
Talking through my pain and taking productive steps to face it and work through it without the crutch of alcohol. Mostly sticking to a healthy lifestyle and nutrition (sometimes slipped). Seeking counselling. All the above helped. I had to make choices and stick to them. The main key to success here was wanting to kick the habit and have a better life. Being determined even when I fell multiple times, I kept getting back up and trying until I succeeded.
I do have damage from the alcohol that I still live with (liver etc), and cannot drink to this day. So glad to read that you also want better and that you reaching out for help to stop this addiction before it gets worse. Wishing you healing and peace
