TechuniqueSenior Contributor
More and Bigger and Better
I've been really strugglin recently, but it has finally been paying off too. I've been searching for over a decade now for a way of living with schizoaffective disorder. It's been very difficult. The compulsive or circular thoughts are my biggest enemies, but I have treated them as friends, which is to say I spend most of my time with them, but I've recently learned how to accept them. well, maybe accept is a strong word. I've learned how to tolerate them. I simply acknowledge they are there and replace their powerful emotions with a simple sentence, it may not work well but it works better. I just tell myself "I am more than this, I am bigger than this, I am better than this." It started as a self-pity mantra, but eventually I realized it's the emotion behind the words rather than the words themselves, I'm a big mind (we all are) so I truly am more than this. I am bigger than this, and the the very fact that I am more and bigger means that I am better. It's still very tough and the mantra doesn't always help, but it's good to have a little refuge in my skull I can visit sometimes that will rest my soul for a bit. I never realized how very tired I am. not frustrated not sad or hateful of the thoughts, just weary, deeply weary. I feel like for the first time in a long time I'm moving down life's road again, not the manic pacing from elation to depression and back, but actually walking slowly forward through life. The scenery changes slowly but at Long Last it is changing. Glad to be here, which is a big deal for me.
Thank you all so much for your kind words. they have been instrumental in making me realize that I am Bigger, Better and More. Also, that I am far from alone, I'm sad you all have to be here but I am grateful beyond expression that I'm not Alone.
