Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

i hate my brain

ZamSenior Contributor13 Nov 2017, 3:18 pm AEDT

i hate my brain

about a year ago i was incredibly motivated with studying and getting my life on track. A year later and i have no motivation to even leave my house. I stopped studying since i couldnt focus on any of the work and my mind would wonder to other things or i would just sit down looking at my laptop for a few hours at a time just completely blank.. Or other times i would be able to do a little and would soon be distracted by hearing voices or other noises..

I am 30 years old now and my life seems to be headed no where. I apply for jobs and just keep getting rejected. It is hard enough leaving my house and having to be around people but getting rejected so much just makes me wonder why bother trying at all..

My son is my only real motivation to do anything productive these days..

i really wish i could get out of this mind frame im in and feel like i am accomplishing something besides being a father.. Dont get me wrong, i love being a father and feeling like im pretty good at it and have been raising a amazing child but i just want more out of my life instead of having to rely on my child to feel like i have done something in my life...

I hate having schizophrenia so much

2 replies

1 - 2 of 2

In response to: i hate my brain

Unknown userMember13 Nov 2017, 7:27 pm AEDT

Re: i hate my brain

Hi @Zam,

Thank you for sharing your difficulty with study and finding work. It is so hard to continue studying when your motivation is wavering, and you are struggling to keep focused - especially, when mental illness such as Schizophrenia is exacerbating such difficulties. Additionally, I'm sorry to hear that you have applied for several jobs and keep receiving rejections. This is a difficult experience for anyone, so I am hoping that this changes for you very soon! In light of everything you've said, it is completely understandable that you are feeling disheartened - I imagine many people in your position would feel the same way. Nonetheless, it sounds like you are a wonderful father who is motivated in wanting to make his son proud; this being a very noble quality of yours.

Perhaps you may be interested in reading or commenting on the following thread, if you have not seen it before. It is about @neil, who is a similar age to you, talking about his experience with Schizophrenia - especially, struggles with motivation and finding a job. You can access it, here. I hope this is a somewhat helpful for you.

Please continue reaching our on the forums, and in the meantime, take care of yourself!

Amour_Et_Psyché

In response to: Re: i hate my brain

AppleblossomSenior Contributor14 Nov 2017, 12:39 am AEDT

Re: i hate my brain

Hello @Zam

I hope eventually you are able to get more things happening in your life despite struggling with schizophrenia, but I am so pleased that you love your son and believe you when you say you are doing a reaosnbale job as a dad.

My dad died when I was 11 and had a diagnosis of schizophrenia due to his own childhood sexual assault, abandonment at 6 weeks and general neglect. I remember his positive parenting imput in my life.

Dont give up on your mind and brain even if the major parenting role requires a lot of energy still.

Apple

1 - 2 of 2