Do I care enough

Do I care enough to stay
Do I care enough to listen outside
I don't care enough it seems to me
Or I would be living healthily
Like partaking in the world outside
I don't want anyone to see how I lie down and down and don't move except my fingers on these keys
Is internet gonna really help
If I'm speaking up
Guess I'm not numb
My fuse in my brain is at explode
No one here truly knows
Smile positive quotes
Cheer and encourage others
But lacking in how to help one self when I'm awake in mind but in body so tired.
I cuddle my pillows squeezing them in need
Touch is a sense that sometimes helps us breathe
But I don't ask
I'm ok
My texts say
My smile is automatic but tears inside creep out
But I'm not sobbing
I'm trying to ignore what's going on
Guess I hate this merry go round I'm on
And don't want to disappoint no no more
Drowning in a rip
I'm further out than I want to be
But there's no cute or rope
They use here to help me
Do I don't ask
Ask ring MH
I don't want to rattle on or talk what's behind
My headaches
Don't know if these forums are
A place where I can be
But ATM it's my only place
No one knows me