Widowed

Hi @carefulas,

Welcome to the forum and I'm so sorry to hear your losses-- your daughter, husband, eye sight, and sense of connections...

You're right, sometimes we think we're able to cope because we have certain qualifications, life experience and professions but they may not be the case.

You're doing great in reaching out for help and for others to listen to you, which actually an excellent reflection on how you have been coping all these events by using your qualifications and life experience.

I hope you'll be able to feel less isolated by accessing this forum. There are wonderful people here who have been through different life journeys and fantastic in offering mutual support. You can also try to search key words `loss' and `grief' when trying to read some old posts here.

Thank you for sharing your story although the pain you're going through must be hard to express in just a few words.

Take care,

Sky

You sound like a lady with lots of intestinal fortitude ... Welcome to the forum ... yes they are the coping careers.

It is a lot of loss to deal with .. and we survivors do need to reach out ... for sanity.

Hi @carefulas

Welcome to the Forums - though I wish it was under better circumstances. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Thank you so much for sharing your story and giving an insight into your experiences.

You mentioned your friends and family have been so valuable to you over the past 5 years - can you tell us a bit about that?

I think a lot of us are at a loss when someone close to us loses such a close loved one - Do you have any tips you can share on how a friend of family member can be helpful in times like this?

Thank you.

Nik

Dear Carefulas,

I am so sorry to hear of your very sad situation and the events around the loss of your dear husband. That mustv'e been so difficult for you to cope, the disrespect from the nursing staff etc, and then for to suffer the loss of your eldest son. I offer you my heartfelt sympathy and as a bereaved mother myself, after my eldest died also, I do have and understanding of the pain you must be feeling, although of course, not exactly, as each of us are different.

I am the Volunteer Coordinator at The Compassionate Friends, Bereaved Parent and Sibling Centre, in Victoria and I would like to be able to offer you some of our support and services for your loss.

As part of the support we provide, we wondered if you might like to receive our bi-monthly magazine, plus some of our information sheets and leaflets? Our beautiful bi-monthly magazine includes written contributions from bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents and it may give some comfort to you and your family.

You may also be interested to know that on the last three pages of the magazine are listed all the contact numbers for our suburban and regional support groups – you are welcome to ring them for further group information. Should you wish to talk with another parent who has walked that terrible path, and is further ahead, in their grief journey, please call our Centre on 9888 4944 at any time when you need to talk or if you wish to receive furhter information, this is 24/7 service. Note also our toll-free number 1800 641 091.

Warm regards to you

Sue

sueb@compassionatefriendsvictoria.org.au

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@carefulas wrote:

My husband died while I was in hospital. I wasn't with him and neither were our children...He died in hospital, where he knew no one, and with no one with him...I would ring and speak with him at least twice a day, and the day he died, when I rang, I was told by the Nurse who answered the phone, that as the staff had never seen me, how did they know I was his wife, I told her, I was also in hospital forty kilometres away, and her reply to that was, well that's not my problem and hanging up on me...So the day he passed, I didn't get to speak with him. I came home from hospital two days after he died. I thought I was coping, I was an old nurse, and I had a degree in Social Work...two of the better coping careers. Right. It was only after an old nursing friend called in to see me, that she realised I wasn't coping. She rang my GP, and took me straight up to see him...He sent me to a Psychologist, as he put it, just to talk. You see, when I came home I walked into an empty house...No one was there to say glad you're home or to worry wether I was doing my exercises or taking my Clexane injections, so many things that another person in the house would have done. But I had no one. No one to talk to, no one to laugh with , no one to cook with, no one at all. All I can say, is the young woman who has been my life saver has gotten my through some very tough times, because not only did I loose my husband, but this year my eldest child passed away too. I am still having problems with depression, but I am gradually getting there. Just know that there are people out there who care, and I'm so lucky, I was able to have some of them as friends and family...They have supported me through some bad times these past five years, including learning I am going blind, so I've had to give up driving my car and as I live in an fairly isolated area, I have to rely on others even more so. This doesn't help your depression one bit, but with the help of family and friends, you can learn to cope. I have.

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Dear Sue,

Thank you for your kind thoughts and caring information. I live in NSW, so I think that I would be better served by a NSW forum. I don't mean to be ungrateful, because you have reached out to me and I am so grateful for that, but I think that Victoria is a bit far away for me...