I'm a passenger and I can recognise where I'm heading. It scares me

@Resigned it sounds horribly hard, what you're describing. There are lots of forum folk who can identify and stand with you. I'll tag you in Friday Night Feast tonight which is just for fun. It's wacky but a good break from all the troubles that plague us.

Hi @Resigned,

i am pretty sure I get what you mean. I am the same way. Things build up until I need a reset because I can't cope. Sometimes for me that has been a short stay in a mental health unit (a couple of days so I don't reset/turn off in a dangerous way). Sometimes I've achieved it through prn meds. Sometimes I've self harmed in an unsafe way. I think what you wrote is a really valid feeling and I'm glad it couldn't be deleted so I could read it and connect with it and hopefully you'll know you are not alone with this feeling. Im not sure if this helps.

Welcome to the forums 😊

PS @Resigned I am currently working on ways to not get to that point. Mostly it is about learning and understanding myself and vulnerabilities and triggers and then finding better ways to cope. I haven't all the answers but I feel like I'm heading in the right direction with it now.

@Former-MemberWhat a good and useful image to help understand.

I read your post yesterday, felt similarly and then experienced a mini experience last night, ending in nightmares and early waking..

For me I channel a lot of extra energy into music, which is reasonable and has positive spin offs, but unless the underlying issues are addressed ... the situation comes back to haunt us. My nightm ares were about WWII. Getting to the bottom of things though.

I used the concept of "runaway train" to describe the energy and intensity a poor conductor has to manage when I am hyped up, FULL and IN THE MOMENT and playing difficult stuff (especially if I have found a player on similar wavelength) it can be WORK to reign in and keep a steady tempo..

Recently I read "The art of the Engine Driver".

S**t Happens. Maybe the solution is to get from being passenger to driver .. or just jump the hell off.

Sometimes things do have a tendency to run a course ... like a river ... and like destiny .. seem to have a fixed direction and path regardless of human attemps to intervene.

Recently I am lookng at possible BiPolar Mixed State Dx .. to try and understand me.

Good Luck. @Resigned