mother's words

Sadly I have been abused by my mother in episodes through the months and years. It has been a disruption to my life.

She has been even using isolating and ignoring me as a psychological form of abuse. My mother hasn't spoken to me for 3 months. When she did talk to me it was to lie and say in front of my child, that she loves me (when she told me plainly before she does not love me)but my illness clouds my judgement,(which it doesn't i don't get delusions my psychologists say) that I'm to stop calling her names (which i never do- I'm Christian) and that my illness is to blame not her, and implying she never abused me and that i'm delusional over her words and she never said them (untrue) and she said meanly I'm trying to get sympathy from all my Christian friends.

Well, I'm not sure why my child and mother are calling me bad names and gaslighting either. They keep calling me names like ' I'm a manipulative shizophrenic, delusional and gaslighting me for my illness and using my illness as a weapon against me.

I'm listening to Adam lambert to cheer me up. Been crying all night and hearing a muffled mother's voice under the stress, which i seldomly get. Taken extra meds to help.