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R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

MaryMahemSenior Contributor11 Sept 2017, 11:44 pm AEST

R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Does anyone else get angry or stressed with days like R U Ok and mental health week?

I find the people who promote these days the most have absolutely no empathy in a personal situation but love to talk about how important these days or weeks are in a public forum.

Our work is "celebrating" R U Ok and if anyone else asks me to buy a mug or bring a plate I might actually melt down publically instead of in the privacy of my car on the way home.

Not once has anyone asked me if I'm okay even when I have taken great courage to confess my stress or anguish, ask for help or when it is obvious that I am struggling. This is at work or in my private life. It's like I'm invisible or totally without value. I can say I'm feeling really unwell and I think I need to go back into hospital and it's like I'm talking about a new brand of shampoo - totally meaningless.

For years I have looked out for others and asked that question. I would love someday for someone to sincerely ask me, IRL.

So, like Lifeline who I find damaging rather than helpful, R U Ok is great for other people, but for me it is another reminder of my place in the world.

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In response to: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Unknown userMember12 Sept 2017, 8:08 am AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Hi @MaryMahem
Welcome to the forums 🙂 I hope that you find some understanding and support there. One thing i've found is that here people really do 'listen' on a much deeper level and hear as much as as is possible from each other and we get to share in a much more in depth way... I hope that you find that here too.
I have had similar thoughts about people never really noticing how much im struggling. Our work is also doing a lot of r u ok stuff with our students, attending community events etc. but I also think im pretty good at walling myself off and appearing ok most of the time and probably don't reach out for help very well... i don't know really...
Hope today is better with less triggers for you...

In response to: Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

NeelixSenior Contributor12 Sept 2017, 8:34 am AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

@Former-Member you are so sharing with how you are going is so inspiring for me. Is one of my goals with my pyschologist to say well to express well to find ways to ..oh gawd! to say how it is for me. Hello @MaryMayhem it's 'Hearing voices week' here. The support group I go to we contributed to a mural that is being built and they are going to do a 'video' with snippets of people's comments about living with voices. I felt my face flush when I heard this and the facilitator said it was to celebrate and raise awareness. I'm not sure if it triggers me to withdraw but I do notice my stomach gurgles. I know others won't know if people with a lived experience don't share but it is a process for me to move myself to share.

In response to: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Unknown userMember12 Sept 2017, 11:18 am AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

I also find days like R U OK meaningless - for me anyway. I hope it encourages people to speak out but I don't think special days reduce stigma.

In response to: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Unknown userMember12 Sept 2017, 1:17 pm AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Boom! I go off at them!!!! I go NO I'm not ok and watch them squirm. I'm mean lol.

I hate this day as to me it's a day for the public to do their good deed to feel good. Everyone acts like they understand mental health and everyone claims to have struggled with it. And it gets me mad. And then no one knows what's to say after you say NO. It dose my head in. Hardcore.

I can though if I calm myself down see the good and how it's starting conversations but it's got a long way to go.

In response to: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Ma60Senior Contributor12 Sept 2017, 4:29 pm AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Definitely a trigger. I believe in the sentiment of the day, but unfortunately people don't want to know if you are not okay.

In response to: Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

MaggieSenior Contributor12 Sept 2017, 6:29 pm AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

@MaryMahem I agree, I groan and yell at the tv. No real help in the real world I find, the forum people care and listen, they get it. Sad, really sad. Hope you find help here. And welcome.

In response to: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Unknown userMember12 Sept 2017, 6:38 pm AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

@MaryMahem,

YES!!! I totally agree.

But I've also found it's given my firends a way of checking in and showing they care, particularly when they don't know what to ask or what to say.

It seems most people are more concerned with looking like they care than actually caring per se.

In response to: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

SakurapussSenior Contributor12 Sept 2017, 6:51 pm AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

At work, there's a big push on R U Ok day this week. People are walking around asking others are you ok? Then laughing. Seriously, I have a mental illness and I find it hard to talk about stuff but when I see others making fun of something serious it really gets to me. I've hospitalised once this year for my MI and no one noticed then. They aren't genuine and I honestly don't think they'd care if you said you weren't ok. Has anyone else come across this?

In response to: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

TheVorticonSenior Contributor12 Sept 2017, 6:55 pm AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

I don't find it triggering, but do find it uncomfortable.

It definitely doesn't feel ok to share a real answer on those sorts of days. During any sort of mental health awareness discussion I usually play dumb and pretend not to know anything about it, lest anyone get the idea that I do.

The idea behind it is good, but there's a big distinction between "something's starting to get difficult" and "something has been difficult over a long term". It might help some people in the first category as a bit of a preventative measure. I'm not sure how it helps people in the second category other than as a general advocacy/awareness thing.

In response to: Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

MaryMahemSenior Contributor12 Sept 2017, 8:37 pm AEST

Re: R U Ok? is a trigger for me.

Is this hearing your inner voices, or hearing outside/separate voices? It sounds interesting and i love mural and documentaries. Sharing can be helpful but o find it scary too.

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