introducing myself

hi guys, im sam. im 29.... 30 in a months time. earlier this year i had a bit of a break.psychologically. i live with my mum n.we were moving house something i could tell she was stressed about. i was working an unfulfilling job fulltime for a bunch.of jerks in the construction industry just on the phones.... getting by putting up with bullshit. i was really unhappy. i messaged a friend.and my mum to say i was struggling but that just made my feelings increase... despair anxiety overwhelm. i started to get paranoid and think people in the office were talking about.me. i didnt go to work the.next day and messaged my boss to say.im suffering from extreme.anxiety and deppresion. i couldnt stop crying n screaming i felt like my world was ending. my.mum.called the cat team as i have had psychosis before back in 2015 i went to hospital. my symptoms were the same. felt like i was being filmed and that the fbi were hunting me down.... like i was on the trueman show or something. everything was fake.and everyone was acting to capture me and take me from society. my tboughts still haunt n.scare me now.... well i just wanted to share my story. its been six months n i am very alone in this. my friends have very flourished lives with fulltime work / careers... husbands partners and r non dependant on there parents. it makes it hard to relate or gain some peer support. it makes it easy for me to beat myself up and wish i waz different and didnt have these experiences. i still.am struggling to get work.and find myself... my mum is a bit detached n doesnt understand she just gets so upset that i struggle. i wish i never did and could just be.normal.n.not feel this intensities