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Will you ever be the person you once were?

BunniekinsSenior Contributor03 Sept 2017, 12:53 pm AEST

Will you ever be the person you once were?

Hi everyone

I have schizoaffective disorder and bipolar 1 and I can honestly say that my mind is like a piece of swiss cheese. I have fractured memories. I am totally dysfunctional compared to the person I once was. I take my medication but still have symptoms.

All the 'fun' sides have gone from the mania and I am left with the depressing sides .... it's like being swirlled around in a whirlpool of water trying to come up for air but being sucked down again and then for no reason I am all happy again until the depression hits in again. It is like a roller coaster ride.

Then my 'friend' in my head has been silent and I miss him. It is all quite depressing. Anyone feel the same way out there?

9 replies

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In response to: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Unknown userMember03 Sept 2017, 3:09 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Hi @Bunniekins - i have major depression/ptsd i find that the depression feels similalr to how you describe too. im always being tossed around and sucked into the hole over and again... never quite get out but sometimes im not quite on the bottom either.
Do you have any hobbies or passions that help at all? I have recently started reading old novels that i used to enjoy and have remembered how much i liked them... though it isnt helping my sleep issues! i don't have much that i really enjoy anymore...

In response to: Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

BunniekinsSenior Contributor03 Sept 2017, 3:28 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Hi Lisajane

Funny you should mention about the reading I have just discovered reading again after a long absence and am really enjoying it. I love a good thriller. I can thoroughly recommend 'The Dry' by Jane Harper! 🙂

You know what is funny? (not really funny but you know what I mean) my mother says 'If you had more friends you would be able to talk about your problems' ... but how can you talk about problems like this?? People without mental health issues really don't want to know (and would you blame them) and people with mental health issues are dealing with their own problems ... thank God for boards like this it just helps so much to be able to reach out even a little bit is a massive help.

In response to: Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Unknown userMember03 Sept 2017, 3:45 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

absolutely @Bunniekins 🙂 people here actually 'get it'. where other people dont/cant. Its also easier to say it as it is without as much fear here for various reasons.. anonymity and there is a general safety here of acceptance and no judgement..
I have been rereading fantasy novels from my teen age years lol, very simple reads but absorbing (eddings series')
I did used to read widely but stopped because i just didnt have time/concentration, studying/working and parenting were all consuming (still are..) etc. but now need to find that balance... sigh!

In response to: Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

BunniekinsSenior Contributor03 Sept 2017, 3:59 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

@Former-Member do you find that your family don't get it either? Mine just don't. It is like okay you are on medication it has been working for awhile okay now you're right now off you go! OR you have the plague so they stay away like mental illness is a contagious disease.

I will look up the eddings series they sound interesting. I agree with reading it has taken me along time to get to the point where I thought I could actually read again.

In response to: Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Unknown userMember03 Sept 2017, 5:23 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Hi @Bunniekins
i dont know really, as i dont have anything to do with them. My mother was definitely very unwell but she never got proper treatment. i do think she was diagnosed with different things but lots of her behaviour was put down to her addictions i think.. but she also only ever blamed everyone (including me from a young age) for her difficulties.

In response to: Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

BunniekinsSenior Contributor03 Sept 2017, 5:31 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

@Former-Member so sorry you had problems like that growing up. Best thing about being an adult is being able to distance yourself from toxic parents.

In response to: Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Unknown userMember03 Sept 2017, 5:33 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

yes... 🙂 though it comes at its own price i guess. Being alone in the world can be tough! Do you have kids? I have two, both in primary school still 🙂
Am doing dinner at the moment so will be busy for a while but back later!

In response to: Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

BunniekinsSenior Contributor03 Sept 2017, 5:47 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

@Former-Member I do have kids but they are grown up. Unfortunately mental illness runs in our family and all my kids have had depression to varying degrees. If I had known what it was like having children I would have bought a few more animals! ... I am not joking either!

My eldest is not coping with my diagnosis ... I think he is worried it might happen to him. I would be worried too. He is distancing himself ... I don't think he can cope ... I might just have to let him go and hope he comes back.

In response to: Will you ever be the person you once were?

PurpleKathyContributor22 Apr 2019, 6:58 pm AEST

Re: Will you ever be the person you once were?

Hi there, I also have schizoaffective disorder along with panic and anxiety disorders and my depression is extreme. 😞 I used to have a number of different people talking to or at me, depending on the day and situation, and yes since being immersed into the medications I only have the odd voice now and then which is not voilent, nor angry, nor is he helful. He is a 'what if' or 'but what' person, who second thinks anything I try to do which is major, so I just don't do anything major any more....lol I can tell you that the veil of depression has not left me, although a few months ago I felt like it was, but it came crashing down again, as heavy as it was before. That brief experience, left me with some hope that maybe I will rise up above it one day. 🙂

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SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.

SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.