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What is normal?

Surviving85Contributor02 Sept 2017, 6:36 pm AEST

What is normal?

Hi,

When I am well I can hold down very high level positions and have what everybody describes as an awesome career, however, when I become unwell I am really unwell. I have had three suicide attempts, six hospitalisations and twenty one electroconvulsive sessions, over a period of three years.

People have trouble reconciling the person that I am when I am well and when I am not well. I am in a cycle of taking high level positions, burning out, attempting suicide, being hospitalised (sometimes involuntarily), having ect and then going and taking another high level position. This has been my normal over the last three years.

Something has to change. So this time I have not gone back to work immediately after being discharged from ect. However, I feel lazy not going back to work, and maybe I should just find a job. However part of me thinks the pattern I have been experiencing is not normal, and I need to take time to address my mental health issues.

i am not sure what to do next. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks

5 replies

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In response to: What is normal?

Unknown userMember02 Sept 2017, 7:30 pm AEST

Re: What is normal?

Hi @Surviving85 - Welcome to the forums (i don't think we've crossed paths before..)
I took a year off work after a suicide attempt and went through similar feelings of feeling lazy, like a failure etc and didnt really allow myself to focus on me as I felt like i was being selfish as well to do so. It was absolutely necessary for me to take the time off though as i could not have functioned well enough to work when i first got out of hospital anyway. but it really was a constant battle that i had with myself and tore myself down a lot over it, which in hindsight really wasnt helpful! Now i still push myself too hard and feel like im often on the verge of burning out but can't bring myself to go part time either...
Can i ask if the electroconvulsive sessions were helpful or make a difference at all for you?

In response to: Re: What is normal?

Surviving85Contributor02 Sept 2017, 8:48 pm AEST

Re: What is normal?

Hi,

Thanks for the reply. It is comforting to know that I am not alone.

i believe that there is some benefit to Ect, especially in a crisis situation, however I have found that this time my memory has been affected quite dramatically. Not only have I had difficulty remembering the last six months, I am having trouble keeping new memories. I can't read or watch movies because my memory and attention span is short, however I am hoping that slowly I will regain some of these functions.

Kind regards

In response to: Re: What is normal?

Unknown userMember03 Sept 2017, 5:31 pm AEST

Re: What is normal?

Hi,
i've heard from others on here that ECT can be great for some, and have those side effects at times. Definitely a bit of a double edged sword! (like most treatments for MH sigh!)
I do hope that you continue to recover and regain those functions completely, thank you for sharing about it!

In regards to your original post, where do you want to head next? I think @Former-Member recently posted about job loss and is in a similar type of position.
Hope your day has been ok @Surviving85

In response to: Re: What is normal?

BunniekinsSenior Contributor03 Sept 2017, 5:40 pm AEST

Re: What is normal?

@Surviving85 I cannot remember things either. In another post I stated I felt my mind was like a slice of Swiss cheese. That is exactly what it feels like. I have this delusion (at least I think it is one ...) that I was given ECT upon my first admission into hospital ... I have to ask my pdoc when I next see him.

I have just started reading again and can sit down and watch my favorite tv which is great but as for conversing with people outside the net ... forget it. I don't know how to talk to 'normal' people about 'normal' things anymore.

Has this been a help? ... I suppose it shows that you are not alone ... and as for working forget it.

In response to: What is normal?

Unknown userMember03 Sept 2017, 5:40 pm AEST

Re: What is normal?

Hi @Surviving85

I feel for you. I don't think I can go back in my career.

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