Close friend to someone with borderline personality disorder

Hi Everyone, thank you for visiting these forums, I hope you find the help you need and deserve. No one should go it alone.

I have a close friend who grew up in a country that was and still is battling civil war. He doesn't talk about his childhood a great deal but the words 'child soldier' do come up and my heart goes to him and anyone that has experienced anything like that. I can't imagine the horrific things he would've witnessed and I can't pass any judgement until I do! I first met him in 2013 through my soccer team.

He was confident and competent, one of the best coaches our team had ever seen and we still feel that way. The other girls on my team noticed the connection he and I had; similar interests, similar sense of humour and how naturally we could chat away. Over the years I noticed more and more that he was choosing to ignore me rather than listen though.. it started with a missed phone call here and there, and for the first 2-3 years I just pushed past it as anyone would, but I noticed that things never seemed to just work out and get better. It got so gradually worse that I had to say something. It sounded so petty. "He ignores me" ...well just ignore him back! No, there was something so much deeper than that because most people will discontinue ignoring you once they realise you've got meaningful things to say. And why would he ignore me when the connection was so great anyway?
I just started to feel worse and worse, talking to him about it helped for a day or two but nothing actually changed. I want to say here that I consider myself lucky in this because he and I never got to a point where we started dating (I could tell the idea scared him) and we never lived together got married etc etc. Plus he didn't fly into fits of rage, he never will. But the investments were still there, I loved soccer and I loved my team even if the wonderful coach was making me lose copious amounts of sleep.
We were a team, a family, sometimes we won games, sometimes we lost but you go through it together and keep working at it. But in my mind I was completely alone, I would walk out onto the pitch feeling completely defeated long before the match even started.. how could he do this to me? How could he even call himself a coach?

I noticed how he identified himself as an alcoholic, almost as though it was something to be proud of and how overinflated his ego was. He's a great guy, why would anyone question him in such a way? But I knew him differently and that's where the isolation grew from. With hindsight, the worst of it came from trying to talk to the other girls about it which pushed me further into my little corner.. him and I liked each other but maybe I had initiated the first move and he turned me down? Maybe I was just getting back at him by spreading rumours? It was horrible, I couldn't stay but couldn't leave, something I've noticed other affected people say. I did manage to get out.. the coach and I barely speak any more which is ok, I pray for him all the time hoping he'll seek professional help but unfortunately I've lost a lot of friends in the transition, friends that I considered to be family but now I can only guess what they think of me... And the friends that stuck by me are unable to do much because they don't want to give up soccer just to prove a point on my behalf. Horrible is an understatement. It was disastrous but deep down I still think he's wonderful especially now that I've come to the realisation that he has an ILLNESS rather than a constant string of choices he easily could've made but didn't. Every day is a battle for him, every social situation.. he is constantly in survival mode and he drinks so that he doesn't have to deal with the war that rages on his mind.. I feel so so sorry for him but thankful that he has at least one friend that will never give up on him.

Thanks for reading, hang in there xx