Brother with schizophrenia

Hi Oscarc, thats really tough for both you and your parents. I dont know what advice I can give but I can empathise with you and the hopelessness you feel. I know that my son took 8 years before he finally went into rehab ( recently) as he also denied he had any problem. It took for him to have nothing left, for me to stop helping him financially and telling him i would only help once he started helping himself. He had nothing and was going to be on the streets.

I coped a lot of abuse from him over this, he would make me feel so horrible and it hurt and at times felt impossible to keep up and I felt mean even though I knew it was for his own good. Luckily (so far) for me it has worked. The years of his behaviour leading up to this were so damaging that I am suprised at times that I am still here. I love him so much but yet at times I dislike him intensly. Its confusing and I know it sounds terrible to say that but I have been through so much and its the honest truth.

I hope your parents learn to look after themselves and put themselves first as they will need to be strong and healthy when or if he is able to decide that he needs help. I found the hardest part was that I couldn't fix him, he needed to do it. I hope your parents and yourself can realise and accept this.

hello @oscarc @Exhausted1

If you are new here, welcome, I dont think that I have seen your names before.

You have come to a place where there are many carers of loved ones with a mental illness.

These carers are struggling with their day to day experiences and find this place to be a sanctuary of sorts.

They can write and respond to non judgmental others who are able to understand and show compassion. Just receiving a response from someone means everything.

I have an adult son, diagnosed October last year with paranoid schizophrenia after being detained..released on a community treatment order, fleeing the day before it expired. We lost contact for some time and were beside ourselves. Eventually had contact from him wanting money. Long story. We know which state he is in..I eventually found him after many calls to hospitals, refuges. He is still in denial and extremely paranoid that everyone from his past more or less have been gotten at by a certain friend whom he was close to.

He fears for not only his life but mine also and I have received many abusive text messages.

My son doesn't live with me so I have a different pain, heartache, anguish that I carry around.

I am very very angry at the moment that my son was not diagnosed earlier, years ago. The medical world has let us both down.

For your parents, @oscarc they would be classified as carers of someone with a mental illness, even though he is not living with them. Not from a monetary point of view, from a counselling and support point of view. Give Carers mental health Australia a call. You can ring sane also and they will give you some options. Sane phone no...top right hand corner 18001870263.

You also @Exhausted1 could ring and get some much needed support.

Have a look around the website at different threads under the Carer umbrella. Then look on the other side when you feel up to and you will find some posts written by people living with psychosis.

Most of all, please please please know that you have not failed. I know how I felt, when I found myself on here november last year. I was an absolute mess, a walking tragedy. I too suffer from mental illness and found myself back in chronic trauma.

Seek support for yourselves and write here or just read.

take care

Hi @oscarc

Excellent advice both from @Exhausted1and @Former-Member. I second all that @Exhausted1 said having been in the same situation. We can't fix their problem - they have to want to help themselves, in this case to abstain firstly from the substance abuse that triggered the mental illness. As @Exhausted1 mentioned as parents we did not give our daughter any money. We did not allow any type of abuse. We also would not allow alcohol etc into the house. The first step was her to abstain from substance abuse that triggered the mental decline and to seek proper treatment for her MI. That's step one.

If your brother is experiencing psychosis it is essential that your parents ring their local mental health crisis team and have your brother scheduled for assessment. This is the only way he may receive treatment at the moment and keep him and your parents safer. Then the rest is up to him. He needs to face his drug and alcohol addiction and usually this happens when they hit rock bottom. It is soul destroying to watch and I relate to @Exhausted1 - it can be hard for loved ones to survive it themselves. Yourself and parents need to step back and focus on self care and making a life for yourselves as best you can to be able to continue to be there for your brother. As it can just get too much otherwise. It's up to the person ultimately to fight for stability and to make something of their lives as the rest of us have to do. Hugs xx

@Exhausted1
Thank you so much for sharing, and I'm sorry about your experience. I understand that it's something that has to happen itself and that you can't force it, my parents are at the point where they are trying to make him less dependant on them but obviously that's such a hard thing to do when it feels like you're letting them go.

For me seeing what my parents are going through is the hardest part of all of this, they are really struggling and I don't know what to do other than offer them as much support as possible, but when I live in a different country it makes it so much harder.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing, I really really appreciate it.

@Former-Member

Thank you so much, I will actually give them a call I think.

@Former-Member

My brother has been on a mental health plan for the same time he has been ill, with regular medication and depot shots and all. He's recently been trying to get off the act though which is kind of scary... The thing is the medication seems to not be helping at all, and he still falls back onto alcohol and, if he can find it, weed. Thanks so much for the thoughts.

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@OverTheEdge wrote:

Hi @oscarc

Excellent advice both from @Exhausted1and @Former-Member. I second all that @Exhausted1 said having been in the same situation. We can't fix their problem - they have to want to help themselves, in this case to abstain firstly from the substance abuse that triggered the mental illness. As @Exhausted1 mentioned as parents we did not give our daughter any money. We did not allow any type of abuse. We also would not allow alcohol etc into the house. The first step was her to abstain from substance abuse that triggered the mental decline and to seek proper treatment for her MI. That's step one.

If your brother is experiencing psychosis it is essential that your parents ring their local mental health crisis team and have your brother scheduled for assessment. This is the only way he may receive treatment at the moment and keep him and your parents safer. Then the rest is up to him. He needs to face his drug and alcohol addiction and usually this happens when they hit rock bottom. It is soul destroying to watch and I relate to @Exhausted1 - it can be hard for loved ones to survive it themselves. Yourself and parents need to step back and focus on self care and making a life for yourselves as best you can to be able to continue to be there for your brother. As it can just get too much otherwise. It's up to the person ultimately to fight for stability and to make something of their lives as the rest of us have to do. Hugs xx

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My brother has been on a mental health plan for almost the same amount of time he has been sick, he actually recently has been trying to get off the act which is scary. The medication just seems to make everything worse though, and even though he's on it he still fiends for other substances, particularly alcohol and if he can get it, weed. Thanks so much for the thoughts.

Your welcome @oscarc

Is it possible your brother could be mixing meds with alcohol, weed etc at regular periods throughout his treatment plan? If that is the case it would make him worse and the meds on their own behalf may not of had enough time to Control the psychosis. That has been my experience with my daughter.

Also he could be suffering the effects of "drug withdrawal" at the same time which makes the symptoms of mental illness worse as well. Each time he falls back onto weed, alcohol etc the process starts all over again and the brain chemistry remains unbalanced. This is what keeps people addicted as they feel worse initially for awhile and it takes a lot of support in the right places and a strong determination and will to overcome the addiction towards healing. Only when the drug/alcohol is out of the system completely can the meds start to take proper effect on brain chemistry.

The only way to get around this for your brother is "a long stay in hospital"where he can't access weed and alcohol and has the right professional help to withdraw completely off them whilst medication is trialed until he finds the right fit. Medications for mental illness takes time to work and needs to be supported with a healthy lifestyle for success or control of the mental symptoms.

I know here in Australia their are mental health communities/living accommodation where people with complex mental illness are grouped together (detained I believe) under the care of mental health professionals who give them their shots meds daily, keep an eye on substance abuse, and help with fianances and life coping strategies. I do believe this arrangement can be accomplished under a mental health court order? Do they have anything like that in NZ? Some may know more about this than I do.

This is so hard to watch - my daughter was the same and addicted to drugs with MI. She is improving by doing the above. Wishing your brother, you and your family healing and happiness

Hello @Former-Member

@I have not heard of such places where supported living accommodation is provided for people detained. Is this the case if they are not on drugs? Just detained for mental illness. We were not told about this. They were supposed to find my son temporary accommodation and didn't even do that. Then he fled when to due to expire because he thought he was going to be detained in hospital again

Hi @Former-Member

Yes, detained for very serious complex mental illness - drug abuse isn't tolerated I believe in these group homes (they would have to go into rehab). When my daughter was very bad our GP was telling us about these type of group homes. It's for those who are placed there through a court order (there is a legal name for it that I cannot recall right now), that a doctor can make happen/apply for those suffering complex mental illness I was lead to believe. For years through our struggles with our daughter this was the first I had heard about it. I am not sure how many there are or if they are nation wide (I am in NSW).

I don't know much more about it as we never followed through with it as our daughter improved. I will ask my GP again for you when I see him next Monday and will let you know more. Its certainly not common knowledge and we could not understand why no one, not even the mental health team, told us of this years ago. Our daughter has since improved out of sight since she has stop taking weed and illicit drugs and is currently doing well on a mood stabiliser. She stopped substance abuse after she hit rock bottom having a major scarce with her health as a direct result of drug use. She is working full time now. Fingers crossed she stays on the straight and narrow. She did start seeing things (hallucinating), but this has now improved.

I hope any information I find can help you with your son my friend. He should of been given public housing in his situation. The system let your son down there my friend. So many sufferers of complex MI flee through fear of being hospitalised. I can understand that as when my daughter was committed it was not much different to being in jail in the public system - private is much better but it's not where they would accommodate your son unfortunately. I will get back to you when I find out more. xx