Funny....

Hi Dean,

I'm not sure if I understand what you are saying here. Some more info might be helpful.

My sense is that you are saying that you feel as if you have to respond perfectly to everything, including other's humour, and instead you tend to freeze - feeling as if no one will like you if you can't give that perfect response? Is this close or way wrong?

Best regards,

Kristin

PS Severe anxiety is very debilitating in all sorts of ways, that I can really relate to!

Hi Dean,

Think I might do the opposite. I miss out on jokes and humour, or take them literally. Or 'get it' later on. But really that's ok.

Its like people are tuned into one radio frequency and I'm listening on another. But it won't hurt me if i don't 'get it'. People tell jokes and banter around for fun. Its not like they're saying OMG its an earthquake. I'd hear that no worries.

So I just be there with people. It means you're listening, you like being there. And you don't have to say much at all, just be comfortable with people in your own way.

Hey, that's just my take on it.

Hmmm, Dean, it sounds like you may have your sense of self worth hooked up in this? That makes things really hard for you.

What advice would you give someone else who came to you with this problem?

Hi Dean,

What you describe just reminded me of a very vivid dream I had years ago. I don't know whether the feeling from it will ring a bell with you, but hopefully it connects at some level.

I dreamt I was a kid again and that there was a big get together - like school sports day or something - and beforehand I was taken away from the group for a while. During my absence the others were given tips and told what "the rules" were, when I rejoined them I was clueless to what these rules were as I was never told - consequently I had no idea what I was doing. So I went through life trying to work out from observation what "the rules" of engagement with others were.

Now I see that in a way this is exactly what happened to me: I didn't have a parent who "got" people because she was too damaged herself so she was unable to give me tips about relationships, and trauma side-lined me at an early age - a time when kids are naturally attuned to picking up social cues if they have the opportunity.

As a 30 year old I was still trying to work out the rules. Now at 50 I understand "the rules" enough to know that I care about some and less about others, and some should be broken (like the taboo around MI).

Take care,

Kristin