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Jesse2012Casual Contributor
My husband and I have been together for 10yrs and married for 2yrs. Recently he has pushed me away but opened up and said he thinks it's depression. He won't let me in and he won't get help. I'm scared I'm going to lose him. I need help. What can I do? I feel useless m. Just want my husband back.
In response to: Help
NikNikSenior Contributor
Hi @Jesse2012
Welcome to the Forums. I hope you don't mind, but I moved your discussion over to the Carers side of the Forums.
There are many in a similar boat to you - you are not alone. There are some discussions you may want to check out while we wait for other members to respond.
@zipper started a discussion for 'Wives caring for husbands' and one started by @Shaz51 called 'Ups and Downs of husbands mental illness'
I hope you find this community helpful.
Take care.
In response to: Re: Help
Shaz51Senior Contributor
Hello @Jesse2012
Come and meet some wonderful friends @Former-Member, @Faith-and-Hope, @Blue-eyes-77, @Cath22, @Determined
You are not alone my friend 
My husband has has depression all his life , he has cancelled all help
has been a lot of ups and downs everyday , and I have found that they don`t mean what they say
Love to hear more @Jesse2012, keep in touch , keep chatting to us , i have found this so helpful , and don`t forget your self care to
I have tagged you in the other thread xx
In response to: Re: Help
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Good morning @Jesse2012 ...... and welcome to the forums.
I hear you Hon .....
I have lost my husband to an undiagnosed mi at the moment, something much more complex than depression per se, but that will definitively be a part of it, and way more so when he is finally diagnosed and his hidden eating disorder gets uncovered and treated. I am not looking forward to that, but I remain hopeful that at the end of this long, bumpy road, we will all emerge intact, and our marriage survives it .... hopefully stronger than before, if not a bit battle-scarred.
Its my younger son who probably aligns more with your husband and the moment. He has suffered a collapse under the weight of something that has, unexpectedly, been diagnosed in my hubby (WH) in the course of my son (S2) receiving treatment - ocpd. This is what has been driving the e.d. and visa versa, and in its extreme form (which we now have) it is marked by an extreme need to control everybody and everything ..... and S2 came under the heaviest fire at a time when his own circumstances needed encouragement and support .... instead he came under emotional abuse and micro-management.
S2 has been diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder) and depression, and his responses more closely resemble what your husband is going through. Social anxiety plays a big role in this, so you will find him not wanting to go out anywhere, perhaps not even wanting to get out of bed. He will be very emotionally withdraw, and this is devestating for you. After suggesting that he seek help, there really isn't much more you can do aside from a) walking along with him and supporting his physical well-being as best you can under these trying circumstances b) letting him know that you love him and are standing by him c) invest in your own self-care.
C) is essential. Being a carer for someone with an mi (mental illness) is a marathon, not a sprint .... any mental healthcare professional will tell you that .... so you need to keep yourself well, and distracted from what is, effectively, his problem. He won't let you in initially, and that can be overwhelming, so while you ride out that stage, look at all the ways you can support yourself through this. It's not selfish, it's necessary. If you both fall down under the weight of it, you then have double the problem .... and who will be caring for their carer (you) in the midst of it ?
@Shaz51 has tagged you into our virtual coffee shop thread. I hope to see you over there. You will find the support of the online community here invaluable I think. It has certainly oh been a sanity-preserver for me.
Take care ....
💜🌷
F&H
In response to: Help
bonnieedmondsContributor
Do not worry dear,
He may be seriously depressed. Behave nicely with him. If possible, go and talk to him. Give him some time to release.
Never lose your hope and always hope for the best.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
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