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New here. Struggling a bit.

OBSQRContributor29 July 2017, 12:38 pm AEST

New here. Struggling a bit.

Hi all!
A bit of an intro..
I'm 35, I have spent more of my life self medicating with drugs and alcohol then not. However I have been clean for nearly 5 months. I feel like I'm doing pretty well... But I am really struggling.
Its like I am a new me, well maybe a better version of me. I have never eaten well, untill now, I'm realising that I hadn't been nourishing my brain. My anxiety has pretty much disappeared (I have, as long as I can remember always suffered from crippling anxiety, to the point that I would struggle to leave the house).
I have quite alot of past trauma. When I was twenty three my fiance died because of our drug use. From that point on I pretty much isolated myself, I quite quickly started a new relationship which was at times emotionally and psychologically abusive that lasted nine years of which I have a beautiful nearly five year old boy from.
Currently I am in an amazing, supportive and loving relationship with a very talented beautiful girl. I have never opened myself to anyone like I have her.
We have been having a pretty rough time with life, my partner was pregnant till yesterday. We were not in a position emotionally or financially to have a baby. I know logically it was the right decision but emotionally it's I'm finding it very hard to come to terms with it. We together as a unit are solid but external forces are making things very difficult for us. On top of this we are financially really struggling. This month we have money for rent but that's about it. I am working fulltime but its a commission only position and I'm not making any sales, I'm losing money as I have to put my son into childcare. I'm applying for work but as I have a ten year gap from when I last worked in not really getting any call backs.

I have for years wanted to do something like this, I just hope that this is something I will continue to do.

4 replies

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In response to: New here. Struggling a bit.

Fancy_PantsSenior Contributor29 July 2017, 2:27 pm AEST

Re: New here. Struggling a bit.

Hi @OBSQR

Welcome to the forums! It great that you finally took the step, found us and logged on here. I hope that you like it! Can I ask why today i.e. rather than yesterday or tomorrow? did you just hold your breath and do it? (I do that sometimes) or something happened that you went "hey id love to make new friends"?

And what could happen that you worry you may stop responding? ie is there something that you worry will be particularly triggering? or, for example, some people get overwhelmed by lots of posts so need to structure their time by only logging on for 1hr a day or doing other things to keep themselves safe.

Thanks also for sharing so much, I am sorry to hear about yesterday, I hope that you and your partner are as OK as can be and give yourselves /each other time to grieve, we all do it differently and it is not linear. But it sounds like you are incredibly motivated despite the challenges and if you keep going im sure things will change soon.

In response to: New here. Struggling a bit.

OBSQRContributor30 July 2017, 6:17 pm AEST

Re: New here. Struggling a bit.

Thanks for your reply.

I'm sorry I need to have a bit of a rant.
What is with this website!!! I am having alot of problems posting, I just tried to post a somewhat lengthy reply only to lose it all because my session timed out!! This is not the first time that something like this has happened. Very frustrated!

Ok rant over. All good now. I'm just going to have to save what I write before posting it.

I had actually tried to post something on Tuesday night however the website wasn't letting me post. The reason for me posting though is that I have realised that I need more people in my life. My only support is my partner, she is an amazing support but it's just not fair on her. I don't have any friends and haven't really had anyone to truly talk to for more than ten years. I didn't realise how unhappy I was until I met my current partner, realising that unhappiness has been a very difficult thing to come to terms with.

I have tried, in the past to post online in other forums but I worried too much what people thought. Now I'm at a point where I just don't care, I'm quite happy and ready to open up and if people have a problem with what I have to say then that's there problem. Not that I feel as though there is anything wrong with what I have to say. My lack of anxiety is really helping I this regard. Also, yes I do want to make some new friends.

Things HAVE to change, I'm not sure whether i/we can handle much more. It's been one thing after another.

Thanks again for your reply.

In response to: Re: New here. Struggling a bit.

Unknown userMember01 Aug 2017, 11:44 am AEST

Re: New here. Struggling a bit.

Hi there @OBSQR

I am sorry that your post disappeared, sometimes it does 'autosave', but generally if you leave it up and don't post for a while it does time out and you may lose your draft, I tend to write it all out and copy it before posting just incase it does not post. I get it though, it is quite frustrating with this server.

Also, if you find your posts are not coming through, they may have been rejected, so check your emails as you should receive an email from the moderator explaining why it was rejected and what you need to edit out.

I hope that helps!

Lunar 🙂

In response to: New here. Struggling a bit.

JohnSContributor02 Aug 2017, 10:02 pm AEST

Re: New here. Struggling a bit.

Welcome

Good on you for sharing your journey with the forum. It's quite a challenging thing to do. I am relatively new and almost straight away I felt welcomed by other people struggling with mental illness.

I too had self medicated for years until I found a brilliant psychiatrist who diagnosed me as Bipolar and prescribed the correct medication to make me well.

Take advantage of the resources here on the Sane website which has a vast range of information which is really helpful to function in life.

Nice to meet you.

Best wishes.

John

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