Talking about not talking

Hiya @TheVorticon I'm here not talking lol

@TheVorticon@Zoe7

Sssssshhhhhhhh

@TheVorticon

It is hard feeling different all of the time

then you get to an age where you realise that it is not about being different it is about being yourself

we folk who are not getting it are not sheep. We feel deeper than the average person.

I spent so many years feeling different, not fitting in. I just didn't fit in with my own image of myself. I had created an image of not being good enough. I had set myself up to never fit in.

Learn more about who you are and start to like you.

I Will start you off.

I like your humour.

I try to be myself - after all, it's a choice between that or being nothing, and being nothing is hard work. I can be myself in front of myself; it's harder when anyone else is there. I'm sick of being the immature one who never grew up, who has different ideas of fun, who can't even talk about the things that are fun because they're so far behind in every way.

Sometimes I like myself, but only really for achievements which are getting fewer and fewer, replaced by mindless existence.

Thinking about quitting Pokemon Go. But would I replace it with something worthwhile, or simply with more blobbing around?

Hi @TheVorticon,

I gather that this thread is continuing a conversation that started on another thread. I'm not sure where it started so I'm just going to jump in here without knowing a great deal of what we are talking about.

I gather you are feeling weird because you don't talk much or something??? Talking is so over-rated! I have heard that there are some tribes around where it is perfectly normal to sit around a campfire all evening together without saying a word. I should have been born into one of those tribes! The whole small talk thing is just a part of our particular culture. It isn't a "normal" part of being human...it just happens to be a "normal" part of the culture that we find ourselves in.

I can't remember how old you are @TheVorticon. I have found that as I've got older, I've started to feel more ok about not talking very much. I go to a volunteering gig on Fridays and the super hardest part of the day is the lunch hour. All the rest of the time we are doing stuff, but then at lunch we all sit down together and everyone chats.

One of the things that makes me feel generally ok about not saying much during that lunch hour is that out of the twenty or so volunteers, two of them are male and neither of those guys say much either. It seems to me more typical for guys to say very little compared to women. Consequently, I am really interested in the fact that you struggle with feeling the odd one out in that regard. I guess it's probably different if a bunch of guys are together.

As to being the immature one...well I'm a 40 year old woman who super loves Finding Nemo, wanders around a lot with a toy turtle, and upon discovering socks with cool ducks on them, went and bought six identical pairs. And you know what? I am completely ok with that. This is who I am. Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

I recognise that a lot of my quirks are a part of being aspie. I have read that a lot of adult aspies have "age inappropriate" interests. I have no idea why they are "age inappropriate" - I mean, who made a law that only those under a certain age can enjoy things like Finding Nemo and Pokemon???

I like you just the way you are @TheVorticon. I love how often you make me laugh and I've seen you show care and concern for heaps of people here in Forum Land, including me. Nevertheless, I know how much it sucks to feel different and like you are the odd one out. I wish I could help you to feel more ok in your own skin.

Hey @Phoenix_Rising.

Yeah it's a conversation continuing from Worry Room, where I posted because I didn't think I could sustain an actual conversation, but then it turned into a bit of a conversation so I decided to make a separate thread. So in this thread, I'm just going to post whatever thoughts I want to talk about but don’t think anyone else will want to talk about, or that I don't want to talk about but want to say, or... I don't know. Words. If anyone replies, then that’s cool but it’s also (hopefully) cool if no one replies.

I feel weird for multiple reasons, but not knowing how to talk to people is one of them. Do those tribes get to have marshmallows while they sit around the campfire not talking? Or do I have to trade marshmallows for not talking? Maybe they’re not talking because their mouths are full of marshmallows? That would be a pretty good deal.

I don't think I've said how old I am, but closer to 30 than 20. The lunch hour would be a hard part of the day for me too. Activity-based conversation is ok, but conversation for the sake of conversation is difficult. I feel like I’m on the spot being interrogated if someone asks me a casual question. And I don’t know anything about things that people seem to talk about.

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Finding Nemo’s a good movie, so those other people are just missing out there if they don’t allow themselves to enjoy it. I read about your adventures with the duck socks J Not my thing, but if you see any aeroplane socks let me know! The “age appropriate” law sounds like it must’ve been made by a pretty boring person. It’s unfortunate that there are so many people who are willing to go along with that law though.

Forum Land is a bit tricky for me, because while there are some similarities I feel like I have a pretty different experience to other people on here and I’m not sure how well I relate to other people’s experiences. But thanks @Phoenix_Rising, I like you the way you are too.

When ever has there been a time that words have made things better?

On topics such as this don't bother trying to be clever.

Relay the unrelateable, and do not skip a letter.

Distort the meaning anyway.

Screw it. There's no pressure.

/writes a post about being misinterpreted by idiot counselors on another service

/post gets removed seemingly as a result of misinterpretation

#Q.E.D.

@TheVorticon

apologies about the length, I am very deep and that means many words, angles etc.

push yourself to read through a bit like practising to listen to a person at work or socially, only occasionally though.

I was jumping almost with enthusiasm as I read your reply.

I seem to remember having a similar response to your humour a while back.

You are such an interesting person and that is why I think that you feel that you are different. The numbers of people who are actually interesting and talk are in the minority.

You have actually done the very thing here that you thought you were not capable of. You have started a very interesting conversation on this thread.

Lunch times at work I would be polite, enter into light conversation about weekend gone or coming etc, then, when I found that I became sick of hearing the mundane conversation about everyday tasks or what to cook for dinner I would smile and go out for a walk.

In fine weather this became a daily occurrence,returning,from lunch refreshed.

Revelation... I probably didn't fit in because deep down inside they all bored me bar a few people over the years.

Depression also makes you feel so much worse inside and utterly isolated, alone with such heavy feelings. Deep depression...numbness.

Exercise and daylight assist in getting through the day. We are not meant to be sitting at desks, under false lighting, staring at figures or computer screens. Look at our ancestors.

Growing up. Not going to happen with me. I can be mature and sensible. I follow my values and prinicples. I like being silly with people whom I trust.

As far as your games interest, excellent. Why feign interest in something that bores you? you are unique not just different. this is a good thing. Some very successful people have unusual interests, some bizarre. They dare to be different, they dont care what people think, a pathway to success.

A way to start a conversation if socialising at a party is ask someone about themselves. You will always find someone who wants to talk about themselves. works a treat. you then need to practice a get away plan.

The other thing is that the people who all appear to have it all together, appear to fit in, appear popular, deep down inside many are very insecure. They behave the way they think people want them to. They are the sheep and are not true to themselves. They have a different set of problems.

There are also the groups who form for a reason; a way of letting the boss think that they are playing all the right cards; to be seen with the in crowd, playing the game.

As far as a different experience to others on forum land... most definitely, you do because you are you, a unique individual who has your own experiences from your own life circumstances, people whom you have encountered, etc.

discovering more about yourself, without judging yourself will help mold your personality. the games you like to play are fun and make sense, you have a very good sense of humour.

I still at times get that old feeling back of self doubt, knocking on my door and that is patterned, programmed thinking. Prevalent more when the depression takes a dive.

You underestimate yourself greatly. I know that feeling only too well. Please don't let that programmed thinking take over you. Retrain your thinking if you can, will take a while but worthwhile.

keep writing, keep on talking even if it is talking about not talking

thanks for reading

Hi @TheVorticon,

I'm glad you made this thread, I am interested in what you have to say. I find it really helpful just talking stuff out here in Forum Land without any expectation of a response. I very rarely tag anyone other than the moderators on the wave thread because I don't want anyone to feel they need to respond.

I am really interested in your experiences and how you feel they differ from a lot of what you read here in Forum Land. I have a vague memory that you identified as being aspie, is that right? If it is (and I haven't muddled you up with someone else!!!), do you think that may explain why your experiences differ to those of others around here?

I kind-of have a foot in both camps, being aspie and having BPD. However, I am slooooowly trying to figure out which parts of my muddle are due to BPD (a mental illness) and which are due to being aspie (a neurological difference). This is important to me because mental illnesses can be treated whereas being aspie is an essential part of who I am. It isn't an illness to be treated, it is just a difference.

I love your comment about the tribes not talking because they are eating marshmallows. That created a very funny image in my head. During the few years since I figured out I was aspie, I have discovered that a lot of people with autism talk about finding their "tribe" when they get diagnosed as adults. I really relate to that. I think this is what has super helped me to be more ok about being me in recent years. I'm not weird...I'm just a cultural minority (i.e. neuro a-typical) in a neurotypical world.

Words such as "weird" and "abnormal" seem so value-laden. I really like the word a-typical because to me, it doesn't carry those negative connotations. It simply is what it is.

I really hope you can learn to feel more ok in your own skin @TheVorticon.