HopesmumContributor
Isolated and alone
Hi everyone
It's been a while..... hope everyone is hanging in there even when it's so hard...
Me..... well I'm struggling with emptiness, numbness, isolation and all that stuff.... I have ptsd anxiety and depression from childhood emotional neglect and sexual abuse. I am 45 & Female.
Due to my agoraphobia and inability to speak about my issues with anyone, including my shrink (when I can speak I whisper), I feel so alone. Locked away and forgotten in my self induced solitary confinement.
Part of me is desperate for human interaction of some kind, just to know I am actually still alive and not just a figment of someone else's imagination. Am I crazy? Does anyone else ever feel this way? Physically I feel frozen, unable to move. I'm still in bed. My security place and prison.
Everyone who thinks they know me sees me as the funny quick witted person I pretend I am. No one sees the way I really am. No one knows my inner turmoil, chaos, pain. I know this is why it feels like no one cares, but no one really does. I've tried to tell people I trust, but often it is too big of an issue and you can see them instantly thrust their heads into the sand. They do not want to know. The only person who knew my history and gave me complete unconditional acceptance has moved away. It has been 5 months and I still really miss them. I find myself checking my emails over and over just in case they might have messaged me. Each time there is nothing I feel less and less of a person and more alone and empty. I know this is unhealthy and I "should" not depend on others for my worth, but when you feel so completey worthless, what else can you do?
Sorry for rambling..... I just feel so deeply deeply alone......
