Over-analysing social occasions

Hi @Fish

I relate to your description of self-bullying over social shortcomings (or what we whip ourselves into thinking are shortcomings). Simply over-analysing social interractions is, these days, even more familiar to me. I don't have easy answers to the problem but noticing it is probably the first step, which you've done by posting here about it.

I distract myself from those thoughts a fair bit, by doing things on the computer, meditating in a chair by focussing on the breath, going for walks. Anything that might interrupt the flow of those self-analytical thoughts and hopefully redirect energy to something more creative. Even if they don't go away entirely, engaging the mind with something else helps reduce their impact, I think. Sometimes I also just tell myself that I am being silly overanalysing things like that and remind myself I'm only human and none of us are perfect.

In the clearer light of day, hopefully some other members will be along who may have some better suggestions.

Good to meet you here on the forum.

Hi @Fish,

I can certainly relate to the post-interaction rumination and bash fest.

My current technique is 'feel and forgive':

1. Take a moment to feel the shame about the mistake/blunder. Don't judge it, don't try to minimise or rationalise it away, or try to distract from it. Humans are biologically coded to feel shame when they make a social stuff up, because in history we couldn't survive without other humans so being accepted and belonging to a group was imperative to survival. Our minds have evolved to be hyper aware of anything that could be dangerous, and in the past social exclusion would have been life threatening so even the slightest social mistake gets analysed to check if it's going to cause danger. It's not "being silly" or "overreacting" to feel shame about a percieved social blunder - it's a valid human response and makes perfect sense. So just sit with it for a moment, let the feeling be felt, and understand the biological reason behind it.
2. Forgive yourself for the blunder. Humans make mistakes and stuff things up, that's how we learn. We can't always know exactly what other people are talking about, sometimes our words come out in the wrong order, sometimes we do/say something wrong. It happens to everyone and it isn't something we have 100% control over. We have just allowed ourselves to feel the shame from the mistake, so we are in a place to truly forgive ourselves. Say "I forgive myself for _____" out loud if you need to.
3. The next time the thought about the blunder jumps into your head, remind yourself that you have already felt shame and been forgiven, so there is nothing more to think about. If need be, repeat "I am already forgiven" until your brain moves on to its next thought.

@Fish .

Ohh yes the over analysising bug.. I still worry about things that happened in social situatioins form several years ago.

Some great tips in the above commnets . I would also add, find someone you trust even the person whom you belive you had the social gaff with ( if possible) . and ask them if they noticed anything.

i remeberbeating myself up for years about kivking my newphew ( he was 23 at the time ) in the shin for berating soccer. i worried about this for 3-4 years one day I appologised to him.. he had absolutley no Idea what i was talking about he didnt even remeber the incident which had been chewing me up for years.

So if poosible check with the person or a trusted observer to get their reation of the incident often we are brilliant at making it more than it is and its not worth the inner "self bullying " that can occur..

if you have stuffed up simply apologise as well ..land learn to forgive yourself ( it takes practice ) as other forgive you..