LokiContributor
Passive aggressive husband
After 24 years and raising 3 children, I am considering leaving my husband. I have separated from him on a trial basis, and found with a clear head, it is not me and my bipolar 2 that is the cause of every single thing that has ever gone badly! On my own, I am at peace finally, and not living in a constant apologetic state. Typically, every time I ask him about his day he feels I am interrogating him, and will give me one word answers or ignore me totally and watch t.v. as though it is the only thing in the room. He will even shush me! If I try to tell him about my day, even something very important to me, he is quite obviously disinterested and will often, if not always, walk into another room mid sentence. When I have asked him for a favour, he generally forgets completely, yet is always doing favours for his friends. He never used to apologise, saying he was not sorry that my needs came last, when he works so hard. After years of tears, now he will say sorry, but in the most sarcastic tone. His work is his priority, and to everyone around us, including my family, he is a wonderful husband/ father and a good provider. He is never available for me, always quoting or on the phone to clients, going to meetings at night and on weekends. He treats me like a child, is always right, never lets me finish a sentence and if I get upset, he calls it an "episode" I have begged him not to use the diagnosis in an arguement, it seems unfair that if I get angry or upset, he claims it is my mental illness, not him. I have been seeking phsychiatric help and councelling for 12 years, but he refuses to come to marriage councelling. Once he said he would come to my psychiatrist appointment, but then forgot! He tells everyone around him, including workmates, I have a mental illness (despite my asking him time and again to keep it private) I feel like I annoy him and so try to be as quiet as I can, but I am so lonely in our marriage now the kids are gone. He seems to have undermined all my friendships and even says I annoy and frustrate people and should stop seeking their company. My part time work he sees as a hobby, and says I have the luxury of doing what I want, yet he has never wanted me to work outside the home and considers domestic chores and having raised the children as my role. We have begun fighting constantly, as never before; on a recent " marriage saving holiday" he admitted he sabotaged the whole trip, because he never wanted to go, as he missed too much work. That is when I looked up Passive Aggressive behavior, and recognised so many traits. I am seeing a pysycologist again who is convinced I don't have bipolar 2 at all, and have been reacting to the frustration of not being heard/validated and having no love or intamacy in my marriage. How am I to know if leaving him for an independant life is my best option, or like he says, the most selfish thing i have done to date? Confused and scared.
