My doctor thinks I have Cyclothymia.

Hello @Former-Member

It is nice to meet you 🙂

There are some great threads on Bipolar, especially @Former-Member thread on 'Managing Bipolar II' here

Another great thread by @Fish about Bipolar II here

As well as @ROC great bipolar discussion here

Looking forward to getting to know you a bit better, how are you coping at the moment?

Lunar

G'day Tess,

I have Bipolar Disorder (II - I think); let's call it BiPD. If you're in doubt about what your symptoms point to you may like to 'take the test' at Bipolar Disorder Test (Black Dog Institute). Many psychiatrists find it hard to separate BiPD from other conditions. And it's certainly not the realm of GPs to assess mental illness.

Once you are more certain that you have BiPD (or even before) you may like to look at the link Lunar mentioned Managing my Mania and Depression. Nomatter what illness you may have, mental or physical, it's a great idea to have a Management Plan. It took me 30 years to work this out I hope you might benefit from my learning.

In a book I'm reading called 'The Road Less Travelled" Scott Peck says many things but I'm strangely enjoying: "Life is suffering. Through suffering we learn.". If you have the time, and if you're in any condition to want to read, then you, like me, might also find some answers in this book.

You've come to a great place for support Tess. Keep asking questions. A lot of the answers are inside you but it may take help to find them.

With love,

Neil

Hi @Former-Member! Welcome to the forums. (And thanks @Former-Member for the shout-out!)

I was diagnosed with Bipolar II early last year, after my mum got the same diagnosis. I had a short hospitalisation mid last year and the psych there thought it was cyclothymia. I'm inclined to agree with my regular doctors and psychiatrist that BiPDII is the more likely diagnosis because my depressions are really bad - when I was admitted last year I was basically at the point where being catatonic was keeping me alive because I didn't have the energy to act on suicidal ideation.

Over the course of my late teens and 20s, before my diagnosis, I had about 1 or 2 moderate, 1-2 month depressions each year, and about a month of hypomania every two years or so. I've had bigger, badder depressions in response to life stressors - the first was in my first year living out of home, and the second (2015-16) was after graduating law school and entering the wonderful world of billable hours. Mostly, though, the cycle goes on regardless of what's happening in the rest of my life.

I'm sure there are lots of descriptions of depression on here, but in my experience it's like my brain just slows down and settles into a fog for a little while. I lose motivation and interest in things I normally enjoy, and I withdraw socially. I become prone to tears, frustration, irritability, and sometimes anger. I can relate to what you've said in your other posts about just wanting to be asleep and not deal with the world! Simple things become monumental tasks - my old boss found me crying in the copy room once because I couldn't print a letter, make copies, put it in the envelope, and put the envelope in the post.

Hypomania is the opposite of this. I've written more about it on the thread Lunar mentioned, but it's basically a high-energy, super-social, very impulsive version of myself. My mind races, I feel euphoric, I make big plans and spend lots of money and party lots and don't really need much sleep. All great fun, until you're getting checked for STIs while filing for bankruptcy and apologising to all the friends and colleagues you've embarrased. No wonder I usually end up in a depression after these ups end.

All of this makes for a very confusing, isolating experience, and it's no wonder you're stressed about who to tell and how to cope. Just know, to quote something @mrkotter wrote when I first joined, it does get better. It gets so much better.

I've been slowly recovering over the last few months, and for the last month I feel like I'm really onto something good. Here are the mainstays of my regime:

Meds: I'm on a combination of mood stabilisers and antidepressants. My sympathies about the weight gain you've mentioned - I've put on a bit with mine, but it's not much and it's worth every gram just to feel ok again. Don't be afraid to try another med though, because there are lots out there with different side effect profiles. Try to find a GP with a particular interest in mental health, and also ask for a referral to a psychiatrist who can confirm your diagnosis and help with medications.

Psych: I've been seeing a great psychologist for a couple of years now. I understand your disillusionment - I went through half a dozen before I found my current one. It takes three or four sessions to get into the swing of it, so try to give it that long before deciding to move on. My psych and I are focusing on the issues fuelling my depression, and it's helped me more than I ever thought possible.

Avoiding alcohol and other substances: I've dramatically cut down my alcohol intake - last year I found myself drinking to drown the depressive thoughts, but the drink just makes the spiral worse. I've also quit smoking pot, which was looong overdue and has worked wonders. If you're more sensible than me, you don't have to think about this. But if it's an issue, this is another thing a good GP can help with, and despite the mixed evidence and anecdotes about medicinal cannabis, I've noticed a long and consistent pattern of it destabilising me. Seriously, mental illness and substance abuse are a match made in hell.

Diet: I eat a LOT of veggie soups. You can thank Centrelink for that bit of inspiration 😛 I find oily fish is really great for my mood too - if you're on a budget, try tinned tuna and sardines.

Exercise: My partner and I get out bushwalking every few weeks or so for a few hours. It's nice to get out of the city, take in the views and the fresh air, and work those glutes on the uphills. I've also recently taken up lap swimming and I'm totally converted - the water is so calming and it's such a gentle exercise that the results will sneak up on you.

Sleep: I'm still oversleeping (10-11 hours a night), but I find I feel better if I have a regular bedtime (say 10.30-11) and a regular wake-up (about 8). Avoid night shifts (if you can) and late night parties (sorry about the last bit, I know it can suck but it's worth it).

Social support: Going by your other post, it sounds like this is a tricky one for you. I'm glad you joined these forums, because I remember how isolated I felt when I joined and how much of a difference it can make to talk to people who've been there. If you can, pick one or two family members or close friends and try opening up to them about it. SANE have some great literature on depression and bipolar - maybe these could help you explain what's going on. The vast majority of people I've spoken to about my mental illness have been incredibly supportive and non-judgmental, and you might be surprised by how many of them have been hiding their own struggles for the same reasons you are.

At the end of the day, the best thing you can do for yourself is just accept that you are not weak and you are not faking - you're just unwell, and there are things you can do to get better. Do something nice for yourself - maybe a long hot shower, a movie and some chocolate, or petting an animal. And don't compare yourself to others who you think have it worse - each person's something is their everything, and you gotta look after yourself.

I hope this helps. Remember you can always ask questions/ramble/share successes (which I'm sure you'll have soon!) on here. Thinking of you!

Also, about the psychologist - you can get a Mental Health Care Plan from a GP, which will get you a Medicare subsidy on 6 (+4 with a review) sessions a year. And then, if you have a Health Care Card, a Pension Card, a student card, or some other way of demonstrating financial hardship, you might also find a bulk-billing psychologist. They're hard to find, but they're out there. If you have a little more money, you could also consider private health insurance which might cover a big chunk of the cost.