My daughter has changed and I don't know what to do.

Hi @Tresda

Was thinking exactly along the same lines to @Former-Member - carers burnout. Have experienced this in some ways myself. Your daughter needs to allow others to help. Try and explain that by seeking help is in no way a display of weakness or falling short as a person (failure), but being human we all need at times some help in ongoing stressful conditions. No one can do it alone without coming undone. That she is not alone in what she is going through, hence the support groups.

Also seeing her GP for a full medical and perhaps some temporary assistance with anti-Depressants to help her sleep and cope.

If she can't accept this or do this for herself - then in a tactful but firm way say that if she doesn't seek help her family will suffer, particularly the children. Point this out. If she goes down, so will they. Love for our family is the best motivator to help ourselves in the bid to prevent their suffering. Let us know how it goes.

Hello @Tresda

I agree with others who have responded that you are facing a very difficult situation

you possibly have counselled others finding themselves suddenly in a role as carer

if this was the case you would be aware that everyone is affected differently and some of their symptoms that they discuss or portray are also different

you too would have been extremely shocked to discover the diagnosis of your grandchild

Have you considered that your daughter would have been shocked as well as terrified when told her young child had such a diagnosis

suddenly there is a family with a cocktail of reactions and symptoms

your daughter is possibly in denial...asking herself why her child?...questioning her skills as a mother..any or none of these things...

that is a vital point also what isn't she talking about

the fact that you are a counsellor yourself might also be causing her to react.....how can you her grandmother possibly know what is best for her child...she is the mother

again any or none of these things could be going through her mind

she is not talking .....noone can provide a diagnosis if she is not communicating

she is possibly in shock .....she might be experiencing displacement....fragmentation....she is probably scared to death....she pushes people away because she is terrified...does not understand herself

when I was traumatised at the news of my son....I did not want to talk to anyone in my family about it knowing that they would all have advice

as hard as it is....tell her how awful for her to hear that news.....remind her that you love her even more..tell her that you dont have the answers...you just have unconditional love...

ask her what she wants to do

this is all so painful......I dont mean to come across as all knowing...I am not

I do know how it feels to have my first born child poked and prodded .....talked about....treated like a stuffed toy...talked around when he was present......my blood boiled as a mother...I also know how it is when receiving bad news....how I stopped feeling.....I was no longer whole...I was separated from myself.

I am more than sure that you have already told her all of the above

if she is traumatised this takes time and trust to listen from the sufferer's point of view

work out who is the person in the family she feels safest with....it might be dad or a sibling

work on that first....gaining her trust back

she is petrified

I am not in any way questioning anyone's ability, love ...reactions....I am just approaching such a difficult situation from a different angle