Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

47,612Members
1,358,869Posts
1,400,000Visitors

My mother threatens suicide every day.

CovfefeCasual Contributor31 May 2017, 4:20 pm AEST

My mother threatens suicide every day.

I'm now 25 and I am still at home, I'm starting to believe that I've been manipulated into this position.&lt;br&gt;My mum is 62 and has been suicidal and depressed for as long as I remember.&lt;br&gt;I have always had to forgo plans for her and if I didn't, I'd be made to feel as though I was somehow abandoning her.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;She had a breakdown a few years back and quit her job, subsequently we lost the family home and wound up homeless for a month.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Now we have a rental, although very insecure, we have it and that's what matters.&lt;br&gt;However, every day she threatens suicide... multiple times. "I should k*** myself", "I'm useless", "I should be dead, everyone would be better off"... This isn't new so I cant make excuses and say it's our current situation.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Just a moment ago, she was calling me a c*** for not going to the shops and how I am 'forcing' her to go and that I'm pathetic and useless.. and then goes back and continues on about how she should just die.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;I'm at breaking point.&lt;br&gt;I have my own depressive/anxious moments everyday, but I feel as though it is her who has placed these upon me?&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;Whenever I try to confront her about it, it blows up in my face and then I feel guilt for even asking about it. I'm the one who apologises, yet she goes on and on about how many concessions she has had to make for me.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;I love her when she isn't enveloped in this self hatred and self pity, but my life has been put on hold all because I feel it is my duty to look after her.&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;I don't know what to do.&lt;br&gt;I'm left with no qualifications, very little work experience and a mum who doesn't seem to comprehend what her actions and words do to me?&lt;br&gt;&lt;br&gt;I'm lost.

5 replies

1 - 5 of 5

In response to: My mother threatens suicide every day.

SaharaSenior Contributor31 May 2017, 4:39 pm AEST

Re: My mother threatens suicide every day.

Hi @Covfefe,

You are doing the right thing in reaching out for support. You have to look after yourself first, before you can be of help to anyone else.

It sounds like you Mum has a lot of problems and that she has managed to convince you that her problems are your responsibility. As much as you love her; you don't have to continue to accepted her calling you names and blaming you for her life circumstances.

You have the right to live your own life, and while you may want to help and support her, it's ultimately not your responsibility to take all this on board, especially at such a young and vulnerable age- an age where you should be out enjoying yourself, working, studying and having friends and spending time with a partner or significant other.

Offer to make you Mum a doctor's appointment so as she can sit down and discuss her suicidal thoughts with a professional. Go with her to the appointment and wait for her in the waiting room, to show your support. Tell her that help, in the form of counselling, is available and that she is entitled to it. Medicare will cover the cost- ask the doctor to explain this. No-one should have to suffer through suicidal thoughts.... and you should not be put in a position where you have to try and be the counsellor.... it isn't fair on you.

You can also ring Lifeline 13 11 14 if you are at home with your Mum and are worried about her behavior. They will keep you on the line and send an ambulance if needed.

@Covfefe, perhaps you could also think about getting some professional support for yourself, so as you don't feel so alone with this situation? You might ultimately have to think about moving out and getting your own place.

In response to: My mother threatens suicide every day.

CovfefeCasual Contributor31 May 2017, 5:22 pm AEST

Re: My mother threatens suicide every day.

Thank you Sahara!
It's hard when we are both currently on Centrelink and the only rental we have is $400 a week. Without me she wouldn't be able to pay for anything, she is in debt up to her eye balls.
I will get her to the doctor to discuss options, I hope she takes the advice on board but she rarely follows through. I'll have to baby her into it somehow.
If she manages her depression, she will be able to pick herself back up.
If she gets back to work, as a registered nurse (which she has done for 40+ years and is absolutely brilliant at it) that would help her aswell.

It's been very hard as an only child of a single parent, she has struggled and I understand how hard she has worked. I just want to see her smile and I'm scared that if I leave her, she will have nothing.
Mum doesn't let anyone into her life, she doesn't even like having friendships anymore.

Thank you for your reply, it means so much to me to hear your perspective ❤️

In response to: Re: My mother threatens suicide every day.

Unknown userMember01 June 2017, 10:43 am AEST

Re: My mother threatens suicide every day.

Hello @Covfefe

Thank you for sharing your story, it seems like you are in a really tough place with wanting to care for your mother because you love her and undestand what position she is in, but you are also aware that you have a life too and this should be your priority as if you are not coping well then you are not much help to your mother or anyone. It is helpful to get timeout and find things that you enjoy and give you a break from being a carer, that is not selfish that is a neccessity for the both of you.

It also sounds like maybe that she has the option of not letting anyone else into her life because she has entirely relied on you, which seems like a good idea in one way but actually puts her whole support onto you and you can't possibly always be there with her, by her learning that she has to reach out to her GP and other supports will build her reslience and from some more healthy coping skills without burning you out.

Are you getting yourself some support for all of this? There is Mental Health Carers Australia that can help you out with free support such as counselling, respite, programs, finances, ect. it might be worth giving them a call if you havn't already?

Mental Health Carers

1300 554 660

http://www.mentalhealthcarersaustralia.org.au/

Thinking of you,

Lunar

In response to: Re: My mother threatens suicide every day.

ChrisSenior Contributor01 June 2017, 3:06 pm AEST

Re: My mother threatens suicide every day.

I think it would be a good idea go see the gp yourself first. Maybe a different day. You can explain what is hapening and how it is affecting you, and that will enable him to help and support you. My mother lived with me for thirteen years when i had four young children. She could not be on her own with extreme anxiety, and so many a time my husband did things with the children on his own because I felt so guilty to leave her. It was a constant turmoil for me. But i found my gp to be extremely helpful and supportive once i let him know what was hapening. Let us know how you get on. Thinking of you.

In response to: My mother threatens suicide every day.

-Rayne-Senior Contributor01 June 2017, 7:00 pm AEST

Re: My mother threatens suicide every day.

@Covfefe our mother does that too. she's done it for years. we finally decided that our life wasn't worth sacrificing for hers. now we're just stone with her - she doesn't touch us. She'll stand in front of us, crying and saying what you said, and we're just, "OK if that's what you really want, I won't stop you". She never does it. She changes tactics because it always has to be about her but we still don't play the game. Our psychologist says she's narcisistic.

1 - 5 of 5