ZiggySenior Contributor
my decisions in view of my Diagnoses
So at 47 I am now 25 years post my initial diagnoses of schizophrenia and I’ve just had my first hospitalisation in over 5 years. Two weeks between the public and private system – thank you to all the people who assisted me (not least the staff) through this ‘diversion’ to daily life (quite a terrifying but ‘necessary’ experience).
Never fun to be hospitalised but with the supports (particularly the Medical Professionals and irregular visits / phone calls from family and friends) around me and aided hugely by my own insight it seems that each ‘fall’ is ‘less prolonged’ (even though unexpected).
Prior to that I've actually lost count of the number of times in psych’ ward... let alone the number of times I’ve been taken in ‘none too gently’ by the police as part of the CAT team (living rurally, being a bloke who is reasonably big are definite disadvantages in this regard).
Currently I am healthy and happy… in a passively productive period of simple forward motion.
My biggest difficulty though is having family and friends come to an understanding of the decisions I make in regards to what most call ‘life choices’ and in allowing these to ‘play out’ as they will. This is because my choices may seem to go against logical, business-like and potentially ‘considerate’ reasoning. From my perspective what is failed to be seen is those which are the ‘easy choices’ are safe to the point of being mundane. They are considered safe choices because nigh on every parameter is known. These are the ‘daily grind’ which it seems is to be celebrated because it is known and ultimately that which has already been done and can continue to do so.
Albert Einstein said "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift."
I believe that where I ultimately differ to my family is basically on insight (or a lack thereof) into what it means to be a spiritual being first… Not to be ruled by your head nor your heart but to allow the two to be aligned so you can hear your ‘inner self’… not just to ‘hear’ it but to ‘listen’ to it.
To converse with anyone around the possibility of there being a spiritual aspect to psychoses and hence potentially come closer to an understanding of my reasoning for my decision making process is something that is few and far between (Joyous when able to be spoken of with another). I don't blame anyone for this though ... We live in a society that pays lip service to being ‘spiritual’ in preference to creating further divisions over the things that are beyond our general understanding (It is easier to ‘knock’ the things we have trouble with than to look within and find common sense and reason - just as it is easier to ‘go along’ with the social norms in conversation than to challenge them when and as they happen).
Ignorance may be bliss but it also ultimately a (sad) choice. Fear of the unknown is rife and this fear is actively encouraged by both our media and politicians.
There is a big difference between being alone (both physically and in regards to individual beliefs) to the experience of being lonely.
I am most fortunate to not really know the stigma around the ‘label’ of schizophrenia due mainly to my brilliant mates who have stood beside me (often by dragging me to the pub) during my most challenged times.
Even so I challenge you to open your heart to that which you don't understand... vulnerability is not a failing but an opportunity to grow... see the ways in which challenging the norms around you allow you to be... true to self… in contentment… anew
