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Its Not Me

Unknown userMember30 May 2017, 2:21 am AEST

Its Not Me

Something's not right. I'm not happy with the way I communicate with people a lot, and it seems to be worse for important things like - a consult with my GP_or when there's onlookers. Its hard to explain but I'll try.

Yesterday at the Dr I blurred out all this stuff, leaving out important things, trying to impress, then coming across like a blithering idiot. Even forgetting what it is I'm trying to say. Its embarrassing, there's another me inside that can't get out screaming
- no do say it
- did you have to say it like that?
- I didn't want to tell her that
- tell her about the dizzy spells...
- don't tell her youre a hypochondriac!
...
Then, after leaving - half way up the hall I came back to ask her for my scripts which I forgot to mention. Of cause this didn't give her time to check my BP or psychological state before printing 3/12 script repeats which would be good.

I just feel o me a blithering idiot, coming across like someone I'm not. If they could only see the real me, I'm not that stupid. Its Luke my 8yo self has taken the reigns, I can't get them off her.

She lays around all day when there's much to do... And about to stop me writing this.

Whats happenings to me? Why cant i take control? Is it maybe early dementia? Or perhaps a greater awareness of splitring? How can I continue like this. I am already saying less in company, especially how I lose track of what I'm saying mid sentence or life she track of what they're talking about. I use to talk so well.

What's wrong with me

Remembering my drs visit I feel disgusted and nauseated and don't ever want to go back.

How do you tell the Dr that you're trapped inside and this blithering idiot speaking is not really you / me? 😞

Is not a problem at home on my own. Accept watching movies (following them)

Does anyone know why this ? I'm so tired, trapped & fighting deep SI,
thanks ♥

4 replies

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In response to: Its Not Me

Unknown userMember30 May 2017, 10:05 am AEST

Re: Its Not Me

Hello @Former-Member

That sounds really hard, you seem to be really overwhelmed at the moment with so many thoughts, which would not be helping you to think through what exactly you need from the GP, other people in that moment etc. Has this just started happening more so recently or have you experienced this before?

Sometimes when I feel that way, I try to write a list of things that I need done within the next hour (try to focus on the present as much as possible as that is what you can control), these are things which are achievable as when I get them done I feel a sense of control over what I am doing.Then once that hour is done I focus on the next hour which is less overwhelming, there is only so many things a person can get done in an hour.

It might not be helpful to keep running over thoughts about things you wished you had said or done in the past as because they have happened you cannot change them which would be making you also feel out of control, instead you might find it more helpful to focus on the present.

Do you have a psychologist or counsellor you can talk through this in more detail with at all?

Lunar

In response to: Its Not Me

Unknown userMember30 May 2017, 3:21 pm AEST

Re: Its Not Me

Thanks @Luna for replying. You have some good suggestions, reminders
- lists
- one thing at a time
- present moment
Its all about discipline, forming good habits, sticking with them - I'm trying. Depression gets worse this time of year I guess.

Yes, this brain malfunction has been getting worse slowly the last her, general condenses is that its to be expected with 'depression & c-ptsd . is it right that they write everything off as that? Basically saying 'we can't help you anymore' Unless of cause I had money - seemscthere plenty of options there - so I reading here - private allied health...

I need a new careplan from GP for my psychology visits. Forgot to mention that this visit too but huet my back so the focus was on that and Dr wants a separate double apt for that ($150 too - rebate only $104). It allt just gets hard to juggle. Wondering g if there's any point in counselling atm while I'm so unmotivated to put the work in.

Sorry for any typos, misplaces glasses but wanted to reply while having a break.

Forced myself out into the garden, easy pruning... Just gotta go back tidy up now. Does feel good to get something done.

Thanks again, hope your winter blues isn't tough this

In response to: Re: Its Not Me

ElluSenior Contributor30 May 2017, 4:48 pm AEST

Re: Its Not Me

Dear Re: Its Not Me

It sounds as if you have been having some problems communicating lately. Remember, we are our own worst enemies - you are probablynot coming across nearly as bad as you think you are. Don't forget doctorsare people too, they are not there to judge you but to help you. One thing you might find useful is writing a list of questions/issues you have before you go to the doctor and taking it in with you. Then you will be reassured that you have covered all the matters you wanted to and not left any out.

Lists are also useful for getting you through day-to-day life. I know that when I am sick (Bi-polar) my brain goes to mush and I have to write lists of things I have to do, even reminders of things I want to say to people! Also having a list makes you feel more reassured about getting through the day.

As for counselling, I can't recommend it highlyenough. To have another intelligent human being focus on you and your issues and give you guidelines to follow is so valuable. If you are feeling confused then it is a good strategy to get your head straight.

Try to stay in the moment - worrying about things in the past is useless. Focus on the future!

Ellu

In response to: Its Not Me

Unknown userMember30 May 2017, 7:23 pm AEST

Re: Its Not Me

Thanks Ellu 🙂

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