ViperPixieContributor
I don't even know what to title this 😔
I'm new here and I'm not really sure what to write. I don't know how to share my story because it's never mattered to any one before so I'm not sure why it would now. I never thought I was normal growing up but really what is normal? But I didn't think there was anything wrong with me either. I've always had "my friends" to look after me. I've always heard them, it never mattered to me that I couldn't see them. They have always protected me and raised me. We always agreed that "there is always someone out there who has gone through worse so I just need to focus get my shit together and get on with it". I know there are worse things to go through on this earth and in this life than what I have experienced and lived through but when do I get to say enough is enough?
Yes there is someone out there who has experienced something worse but I managed hit every damn branch on the "what fucked up thing can we put this person through" tree of life.
I managed to ask for help twice in my life because "my friends" weren't being particularly helpful and somehow I found a moment to push through them and ask for help and support. I managed to find "this moment" twice in my life so far, so that's 2x in 33 years and I asked these things from someone who is meant to always be there for me but true to form I got told to "get over it" just like other people do.
And now why is it that someone who says they love me and wants to be there for me can't even bloody ask why I'm crying because obviously I must be having a breakdown I mean ffs yeah im different in my own way, yeah I have a couple of friends that I have never been able to see but why does that mean I can't just get upset over something like "normal" people. Why do the people that say they care the most label you the most?
My "friends" have been there for me my whole life nearly and they know my secrets and my story, something that no other breathing person knows and they have protected me from so many things and I'm so grateful for that. Yes they have landed me in a whole heap of shit because they protected me so well they consumed me and it was nice and warm and dark. I didn't have to make any decisions they did it for me so I could rest and be safe; well so they thought.
They are my only true support, they don't judge or criticise me and they turn everything off so i can breath. When things are in balance it's so calm and peaceful, I get to turn my switch on and feel the sun and remember how to smile and my head doesn't hurt and feel like it's full of scrunched up bits of paper chucked everywhere to the point of feeling like the pressure is so intolerable that I want to rip my scalp open and take it all out and just put back the quiet.
Things aren't in balance right now and my head is getting so full, it's so loud and hurting from the inside out and I just want it to go away 😔
Yes there is someone out there who has experienced something worse but I managed hit every damn branch on the "what fucked up thing can we put this person through" tree of life.
I managed to ask for help twice in my life because "my friends" weren't being particularly helpful and somehow I found a moment to push through them and ask for help and support. I managed to find "this moment" twice in my life so far, so that's 2x in 33 years and I asked these things from someone who is meant to always be there for me but true to form I got told to "get over it" just like other people do.
And now why is it that someone who says they love me and wants to be there for me can't even bloody ask why I'm crying because obviously I must be having a breakdown I mean ffs yeah im different in my own way, yeah I have a couple of friends that I have never been able to see but why does that mean I can't just get upset over something like "normal" people. Why do the people that say they care the most label you the most?
My "friends" have been there for me my whole life nearly and they know my secrets and my story, something that no other breathing person knows and they have protected me from so many things and I'm so grateful for that. Yes they have landed me in a whole heap of shit because they protected me so well they consumed me and it was nice and warm and dark. I didn't have to make any decisions they did it for me so I could rest and be safe; well so they thought.
They are my only true support, they don't judge or criticise me and they turn everything off so i can breath. When things are in balance it's so calm and peaceful, I get to turn my switch on and feel the sun and remember how to smile and my head doesn't hurt and feel like it's full of scrunched up bits of paper chucked everywhere to the point of feeling like the pressure is so intolerable that I want to rip my scalp open and take it all out and just put back the quiet.
Things aren't in balance right now and my head is getting so full, it's so loud and hurting from the inside out and I just want it to go away 😔
