Stop !!! II don`t want to play anymore

Hi @Shaz51, how does your hubby feel now he has verbalised what he has been thinking? How do you feel now knowing these are his thoughts?

I have to ask, is he safe from suicidal urges? I know when I begin having these kinds of thoughts, it is a sign I am headed for a major depressive episode where I can be very suicidal.

I must admit, at times, I would tend to agree that life is a game of survival. I tend to try and live for the here and now, not putting too much into thinking about the future. I don't know whether me, or any of the people I care about will be here tomorrow, so I live for today. Don't get me wrong, I still have hopes and aspirations, but realise anything could happen. I lost one of the most important people in my life (my Mum) one Saturday morning when I was 11. It was completely out of the blue.

Since then I've often thought about giving in on the game of survival (and who knows tomorrow I might want to throw in the towel?), but I live on, surviving, mainly because there is no definitive answer whether or not things are better after death. I've had various people over the years, when I was suicidal, tell me all sorts of things about after we die. That I will live in limbo, I will go to hell, I will be reincarnated because I didn't do what I was supposed to have done in this life, and, finally, there is nothing after death at all.

I often think whether or not, when I am at my lowest, do I want to die, or, do I simply just want the pain and turmoil to stop. I think it is the latter. Do you think it is the same with your hubby? In any case, please make sure if he is suicidal, that he receives appropriate care from MH services. It must be terribly difficult to see a loved one suffer so much.

thank you for your message @Queenie

hubby has gone quiet now --- argggg don`t know which is worse -- when he is talking and when he stops talking

I do that at times. I can type how I am feeling on a keyboard, but not aloud. It drives my gf up the wall!

@outlander,

@Shaz51 you can tell Mr Shaz that there is a little sea turtle bobbing around in the ocean who totally hears him.

@Shaz51

I know what he means... i wish i had something more helpful than that for either of you. Sometimes it is really hard. Is this mood lower than usual for mr shaz? does he think theres been any difference since dropping meds? sending hugs

Thank you @Former-Member, @Phoenix_Rising, @outlander, @Queenie

i told him @Phoenix_Rising and we are with you too my friend

Is this mood lower than usual for mr shaz? does he think theres been any difference since dropping meds? --- I think so @Former-Member xxxxx

@Owlunar

He is feleling he is disappointed with everything andhe thinks he is a disappointmnt

Will he go back on his meds @Shaz51 ?

Life kind feels like the day in day out drudgery a lot of the time for me, is there any possibility of planning for something to look forward to. (as i write this I know its something I need to do for me!). not sure what, needs to be achievable and not too far ahead. Maybe a day trip somewhere...

hugs