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Childhood family violence

alwayssmilingNew Contributor22 May 2017, 8:47 pm AEST

Childhood family violence

I have a question for people (like me) who grew up in a violent household...

Did this effect you? Hold old are you now? Does it still bother you? What was it like for you as a teenager? Do you have a relationship with your parents? Did this effect your relationship with your siblings?

Thanks.

4 replies

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In response to: Childhood family violence

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 8:52 am AEST

Re: Childhood family violence

I think violence will effect anyone.

For me in highschool I felt I couldn't reach my full potential. I had issues relating people. I was also highly jealous of the people who came from loving family's. The violence got away of the focous of me. They didn't notice I was falling behind in school. I was also not allowed to tell anyone this as mum said it won't happen again. We don't need people coming over I can't be with out you. I also couldn't invite people to sleep over. Wasnt safe.

I do have a relationship with my parents. But it's hard. In my eyes my mother and Dad where grown adults when they choice to have me. My father to this day acts like a 4 year old. Blames the world for everything. Crys to me. It's not his fault. Hello you choose drugs, gambling and violence. My mother says she was dumb and in love with her violent bf. She didn't know better. Hello person hits your kid you leave the relationship. I think she was selfish. A parents job is to protect a kid and in my eyes they both failed me. I wish they both stopped playing the blame game and just own up to it they made a massive mistake.

I've got zero brothers or sisters so can't really help you there.

Yes it bothers me because we live in a world where we know domestic violence is wrong and their is helo out there. I don't believe anyone should stay in that relationship. I don't believe a man can change in 3 days. I do believe if a lot of help they can change but not the I was drunk I got Dady issues I can't live with out you, you are my only love excuse. Also in my sistuation it was not life and death if my mother left.

It effects me to this day because I have issues trusting. I rely 100% on myself. I don't let people in. For many years I couldn't be around people who drank as it scared me so much. I'm also mentally unwell. I believe I was born with bipolar and was showing issues very young but the money was better of being spent on drugs and I was ignored and I think having to run for my life literally numerous times made it worse.

In response to: Re: Childhood family violence

alwayssmilingNew Contributor23 May 2017, 2:09 pm AEST

Re: Childhood family violence

Thank you for you reply and insight @Former-Member.

The reason i ask is i have been struggling with how i feel about all the things i witnessed growing up. I always knew what was happening wasnt right. I started self harming when i was 12 because it made me feel better, i also pushed people away and didnt realy bond with people, i aways rememebr thinking im not being truly honest so maybe other people arent either? and i was always sooo jealous of other kids from loving familys and i still to this day crave and desire that normailty. I have tired to bring up my experience with my parents once and i got shut down very quickly from my mother, which was really suprising. They both are in denial and think that my brother and i had an loving childhood (and they are true on some accounts but there was so much terror as well). How can i move forward with this? I hold so much anger towards them for this but i am still doing the same thing as i was when i was little and being quiet...why am i so scared to say to them that what they did hurt me? im scacred they wont be able to handle it and ill loose them.

Have you or anyone actually spoken to their parents about their issues with childhood violence and what was the outcome?

In response to: Childhood family violence

Unknown userMember23 May 2017, 2:28 pm AEST

Re: Childhood family violence

Sadly you can't control people's actions. You may get the response you want from them you may not. It's not up to you nor anyone to make them own up to their mistakes. And maybe in their eyes there was no mistakes. Everyone views life different.

My outcome has just been excuses. I will never get a sorry or rash conversation. I had to stop hopeing for that.

I've got zero clue how to love foraged. I just knew I wanted a different life and I think choosing that in a way is moving forward.

In response to: Re: Childhood family violence

Unknown userMember24 May 2017, 10:42 am AEST

Re: Childhood family violence

Hello @alwayssmiling

That sounds like a really tough thing to be dealing with as I can see that you would like to move on and tell them what things were like for you growing up - really hard, sometimes when people are in denial there is a part of them that knows that what happened was not good although it is dificult to admit that so a strong coping mechanism comes out as defensiveness and denial.

It can be really hard to change that and as you have experienced opening up to them before they have shut you down, I am sorry that was the reaction you have received when you really deserve to be validated and supported.

Have you ever tried writing a letter but not giving it to them? Sometimes this can be a good start for some and that way you won't risk being invalidated but still able to get those feelings out? What do you think?

Lunar

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