BPD realisation...

Hi @lostgirl_777,

I'm not sure about whether you are talking about Borderline Personality Disorder or Bi-Polar Disorder, but perhaps it makes no difference right now. Sometimes clinicians don't rush in to making a diagnosis - they have to get the big picture first.... and this can take time. In two sessions, you might not have had a chance to fully open up to your psychologist and they wont have heard all they need to know.

I've noticed people on Sane forums being very concerned with getting an accurate diagnosis, which is fair enough. But most often, psychologists and doctors treat patients as individuals - they might have a range of symptoms which cross over different conditions. For example, you could present as being depressed but with some borderline traits. Or you could have an anxiety disorder with some depression and feelings of depersonalisation... these are just examples. Not all diagnoses are clear-cut... a diagnosis can change over time, as well.

When I finally sought help with my mental health, I knew something was drastically wrong, because I was so unhappy and so unwell. I never asked for a diagnosis, but I did get lots of help and support.

Perhaps just take things one appointment at a time?

If you feel comfortable talking to your psychologist, then this is a good start. Feel free to ask all the questions you like! Your questions should absolutely be taken seriously.... but sometimes a therapist will answer a question with another question, if they think this is in your best interests. I hope this helps.

Hi @lostgirl_777, Welcome to the forums.

I am taking a punt that you mean borderline personality disorder rather than bipolar disorder, so this response is based on that assumption. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD) in 1997. I experienced the diagnosis has hugely validating. It really helped me, to have a name for what I was struggling with because people kept telling me unhelpful things about myself. Getting the diagnosis helped me to feel a little bit less like I was "bad". It also meant I could read up about it and learn more about what was going on for me and how to deal with it. So yep, I can relate to your interest in getting the diagnosis.

Having said that, BPD is well recognised as being the most stigmatized diagnosis in mental health. My initial relief at receiving the diagnosis gradually changed to a sense of shame because of a lot of negative experiences I had with mental health professionals. Happily this stigma is gradually being broken down, but it is still there far more than it should be in the mental health system.

Fast forward twenty years and I am now very ok with the fact that I have BPD. I super struggle with the emotion dysregulation that is a hallmark of BPD, and yet for twenty years I've managed to maintain a 100% success rate of surviving each day. That is definitely not anything to be ashamed of.

Due to the stigma, a lot of mental health professionals are reluctant to brand people with the diagnosis of BPD. There are a few people here on the forums who have described how they found out years later that they had been diagnosed with BPD but never told. To me that is extremely disrespectful to the client.

So...I don't know why your psychologist is reluctant to diagnose. If you can sit down with her, go through the diagnostic criteria and explain how you believe you fit each one, then it makes no sense to me that she would not agree with the diagnosis. I wonder if it is indicative of her own attitudes and biases around BPD???

Anyway, that was all a bit of a rant. I really just wanted to say that I can relate to your desire for a diagnosis. It can definitely be super validating.

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising for explaining your point of view.... it makes a lot of sense to me. Getting a diagnosis may be a relief, but it could also attract stigma. I agree.

I look at it this way:

Say I have an severe pain in my head. So, I go to the doctor and she says "That's called a headache. Plenty of people get them."

So now I have a diagnosis but I still have the pain. All I really want is for the pain to go away! So I get some treatment.

During the course of the the treatment, I might discover several possible causes of the headache. Some of the treatments I try are more successful than others. I might also find ways I can manage the headache myself, at home, that don't involve pain medication. For example, I might lay down in dark, quite room and practice relaxation techniques.

So while getting a diagnosis is important to me, it doesn't explain everything I need to know about my illness. It is only the beginning. And I guess the danger is, that in my rush to get a diagnosis, something might have got missed entirely! I might really have tension in the muscles in my neck that is presenting as a headache. The headache was really only a side-effect of something else entirely!

I find out what I really needed is a more supportive chair at my desk at work, so I am not putting pressure on my neck muscles.

I'm thinking very laterally this morniong!

@Sahara Borderline was what i was referring to , sorry for not being specific. I do feel like i have a lot more to tell my therapist, she definitely needs to know a lot more than i have already told her. But yes i will give it time after all i am very comfortable with her so at least that's a start. ...

Thanks for the hot tip of diagnoses not being clear cut, i will definately take that into consideration 🙂

Thankyou for your reply 🙂

@Phoenix_Rising thank you for the warm welcome. You are most definately right about borderline. Iam so so glad you can relate to my interest in getting a diagnoses, and the word validating is the perfect reason why. I did not know its the most stigmatized... it really shocked me.. i hope thsts not the reason why my therapist was hesistant when i asked her ..

On the topic of Emotional dysregulation..gosh it makes me feel so dam weak and such a messed up person, it made me sick to death of what i put my partner through, just hate how i finally work it out after 2 years into our relationship!! 😞 and not only this current rship but previous ones , feel so guilty of putting past people through my crap.. and thats why i need this diagnoses..

Anyway i will definitely go through the diagnostic criteria this friday with my therapist ...

Thankyou for your reply 🙂

Hi @lostgirl_777,

let us know how you go at your next appointment. That's really great news that you get along well with your therapist and feel comfortable with her. That is a great start.

@lostgirl_777 G'day,

I've been Bipolar II for more than 30 years but it was misdiagnosed for the first 10 years as Depression. Once a 'mood stabiliser' was added to my 'antidepressant' I was more 'even' and well, and for longer, than ever before. As further help in deciding for yourself if you have BPD you may like to try this Self-Test: https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/mental-health-wellbeing/bipolar-disorder/bipolar-disorder-self-test.

I hope this helps you, at least a little.

Best wishes, Neil

Hey lostgirl,

I'm in a similar boat and have been in therapy for BPD without ever being given the actual diagnosis, but I don't really like the diagnosis to be honest. I think the main thing is that we learn to accept that what we have is a mental illness and the various symptoms can be crippling. If a diagnosis helps you to accept that, wonderful. It it would make it harder to accept, that's less good.

I think I don't like the diagnosis because what if someone has 4 of the symptoms really really badly? They wouldn't qualify as BPD because they have 4, not 5. But someone who has 5 badly enough would be okay. It just seems a bit arbitrary to me.

Still, I think it's good that you are thinking about it and mindful of what you want. Being proactive is always the biggest step towards recovery!

I hope your session on Friday goes well.

Hey @Former-Member you are totally on point with "Just needed some confirmation that there is an actual illness and I'm not just a selfish sad horrible weak person " . Funnily enough i kinda feel like i would cope with it better once i have a diagnosis.. otherwise it will always reside in my mind.. and then i would become crazier haha!

And hmm i always thought the psychologist could diagnose ?or can they only for certain illnesses? If anyone knows for sure pls dont hesitate to let us know 🙂