Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

Hi @Linmerc

I'm sorry, I can't explain, but I am so sorry you've gone through this. I'm really glad you found the Forums and shared your experience though.

I can completely understand your feeling of betrayal.

I'm sure more members will jump in during the week and share their thoughts, but in the meantime I wanted to direct you to a great post by @CherryBomb where she talks about 'behaviour' vs 'illness'. You can find it here

Please take care of yourself and keep checking in for people's response.

Nik

ASK ANYTHING MONDAY IS HERE!

So it's that time of the week again - Ask Anything Monday (AAM). As a reminder - AAM gives members the opportunity to send a question to us (team@saneforums.org) and we will post it in their behalf. The member won't be named.

We ask that other community members jump in a assist the new member with their question. So this week's question:

I’m 58 years and have a 32 year old son. My son has suffered from chronic depression for quite sometime. Over the past few years he’s been better, in a stable relationship (well what I thought was stable), and had a good job. But it’s all come to head, and his wife has left because he’s been gambling behind her back. He is now in debt owing over 30K and now living with us. He doesn’t work and spends most of his time online, locked in his room. I suspect he might be gambling. I try to encourage him to get out, and talk to people but he gets defensive and there’s excuses. He takes no responsibility for what’s happened.

I want to support him but to be honest, I’m feeling resentful, because I had just started to enjoy retirement, now I feel like I’m parenting again. But I also feel horrible for feeling resentful. Does anyone have any advice on how I can cope with this resentment?

Resentment is something a lot of carers talk about - I hope some members jump in and share how they have managed this with the person they are the carer for.

Hi,

I think the last paragraph of your question could be copied and pasted to many of the situations us carers go through.

It sounds like you are an amazing father, welcoming your son back into your home. I can tell you from experience, there are a range of feelings we go through while caring for someone - helplessness, resentful, hopefull, hopeless.. it can be very up and down.

In my experience, maintaining my own routine and trying to keep some of my interests, has been paramount.

While it is important to look after yourself, it's also important to never give up hope. It seems like your son has been in a good place before... so there's always hope.

Recovery is never a straight line forward... there are moments when there's 2 (or 10!) steps back - but the fact that he has experienced recovery before and knows the steps forwards, often means it's a lot easier to get back on track.

Best of luck

Great response @Eagle Thanks for contributing.

Any others wish to share their thoughts? Inviting @MarieCurious @mountain @Attahua @MIFANTCARER to the discussion -you have all shared great advice on this topic before - do you have advice for this carer?

Nik

I like to teach people to try and separate the illness from the person.

But what does this mean??

Best way to understand this is to at it is look at the person you know and the person you don't.

Separate the two and their characteristics within your partner.

Generally the person that you know is your partner

AND

The person that you don't is the mental illness.

We do see a link to story belief (Lying) as a result of Bipolar, HOWEVER, this doesn't define the lying and cheating. Counselling both together and separately could create some answers.

Most things are not black and white and it will take time but you might find out the answer to these questions.

I hope this helps and be kind to yourself you have been through a lot.

Ask Anything Monday

Thank you to those who have responded to past questions. Don't forget, if you are apprehensive or nervous about asking the community a question, we can do it on your behalf. Just email team@saneforums.org

This week's question is:

I want to know more about how my (adult) son's treatment is going. My son tells me a bit about it, but I'd like to also hear from the therapist. What rights do I have as his carer in finding out such information. Does he have to be with me? Can I just visit his therapist by myself?

What experience have others had working with their loved ones professional?

Hi @NikNik

This is the golden question for all of us carers. Part of me thinks it's important to respect privacy and the other part of me thinks we have the right to know because we are their carers and perhaps it would help us if we knew how things were going.

I have come across psychologists who are willing to see both the carer and their patient at the same time - doing a joint session. I think this is a great idea, as then the person has control about what is shared and what isn't and it's not like the psychologist and carer are talking behind the patients back.

You should be able to find out if this is possible by calling the office of the person your son sees. I hope this helps.

I'd be interested to see if anyone else has experiences with this too.

It's that time of the week again - Ask Anything Monday!

Thanks to @coffeegirl , @Eagle , @MIFANTCARER and @Linmerc for contributing to questions from the previous weeks.

This Monday's question:

As I get older, I’m getting more and more concerned for my adult child that I care for. What will happen to him when I’m too old to care for him.
A lot of what I do is emotional support – and I feel confident I can continue to offer that, regardless of my psychical health, but I’m worried about when I’m gone. He relies on me so much and doesn’t really have anyone else.
Has anyone else thought about this? I’m a practical person, so any tips on things I can do or put in place to alleviate my concerns.

Any suggestions for this member?