support burn

Hello @sjacob33

congratulations on becoming a Dad, an exciting and tiring time. It would appear that your wife is suffering from post natal depression.

I have included panda's contact details here;

http://www.panda.org.au/practical-information/about-postnatal-depression/28-postnatal-depression

which includes signs and symptoms of post natal depression, help available, and details of the support line.

Please check it out

Another option could be to call the maternal health nurse in your area and have a chat, or possibly even plan for her to do a home visit with your wife.

Please continue to support her as you have been, she will need your extra support during this time until further supports can be put in place, that will provide help to the both of you. Alternatively a trip to the local GP, could be another point of reference.

In the meantime extended family, if they're around and available might be able to provide some immediate respite, by staying with bubs while Mum has some time out e.g. a nap, coffee with a friend, or even provide some company, or an ear to listen.

So glad you contacted the forums.

Please let us know how you get on, and if there's anything else we can do.

Hi @sjacob33

While parenting brings many joys, there's no doubt that it's stressful and tiring.

I'd like to invite @PANDA to this discussion. I'm not a psychologist, though it sounds like you wife may have symptoms related to PND. Is she open to getting support or speaking to someone? Perhaps getting some advice from health professionals, such as PANDA could be useful - they provide support to people affected by PND.

You might also find this thread started @jimmy1982 , he has written about some of his own experiences with fatherhood struggling with PND. I'm not implying that you have this, but I thought it might be helpful to connect with other dads. Perhaps he could offer some advice here.

CB

Hello @sjacob33,

Congratulations on the birth of Hugo. It is lovely to hear he is bubbly and amazing and that you are able to see some ‘wonder’ when you are feeling so much pressure.

You mentioned your wife has had previous episodes of depression and you recognise her ‘slipping’ due to the stress of motherhood. What we know is that a history of depression or anxiety does make you more vulnerable to postnatal depression or anxiety as do a whole range of other factors: traumatic birth, unsettled baby, sleep deprivation, lack of supports, financial stress, relationship stress, perfectionist traits (and many more!). In fact 1 in 7 women are diagnosed with postnatal depression and anxiety rates are thought to be even higher.

Thoughts of harming baby are common but not normal. Common, in that these thoughts often go hand in hand with anxiety. It is however a symptom that something is wrong and needs to be worked through. Even though you don’t think your wife would act on her thoughts, it is important to see a health professional and talk about these thoughts and feelings. Your GP is a great starting point.

The general distinction between thoughts of harming baby that come from anxiety and those that indicate an emergency mental health crisis is whether there is a stated desire or intention to harm baby, or when behaviour seems out of character or impulsive. If this is the case, it is really important to access an urgent mental health assessment.

We can hear how challenging it has been for you balancing caring for your wife and transitioning to being a father. It sounds like you have been digging deep and providing both your wife and your son with great care but are now starting to feel like you need some care yourself, which is normal for new fathers thrust into a dual caring role. Does anyone in your network know that things are difficult? Do you have other supports to call on who can be with your wife and Hugo while you have some ‘time out’ to do something that replenishes you?

We would welcome the opportunity to support you (and your partner) during this transition. If you, or indeed any parents on the forums wanted to talk about parenting or any distress or challenges they may be facing please consider phoning the PANDA National Perinatal Depression Helpline. Mon-Fri 10am – 5pm AEST 1300 726 306

www.panda.org.au; www.howisdadgoing.org.au

Good on you for reaching out for help.

The PANDA Team