Unknown userMember
An Unfamiliar Calm
4:30am and wide awake. I feel so 'at peace' its almost unnerving, but not even anxiety's getting a look in. Its hard to put into words so plz let me know if you can relate.
I can even see the dark place I've been for some weeks now, So black! really hope it was as hidden as I hope. Times like that I usually lose friends - saying the wrong things (angry and reactive), actually, come to think of it - I might have lost a couple, hope not because I can get pretty self absorbed like that and hope they forgive me. In retrospect, I'm ashamed to have lacked so much self control, especially lashing out, but don't know where to begin to apologise. It went on for weeks (maybe +2-3months) but I'm not fully aware. Now, all of a sudden - I can see that for what it was, and strange enough, I'm not even defaulting to beating myself up over it as usual. Wondering if its some kind of bipolar (not just depression). BAck to present moment, I'm pleased to feel good for a change and just wanted to throw it out there. Should I be worried? Is anyone getting this? Felt this before? Daytime is about to break through and I'm actually looking forward to it. Very strange!
I can even see the dark place I've been for some weeks now, So black! really hope it was as hidden as I hope. Times like that I usually lose friends - saying the wrong things (angry and reactive), actually, come to think of it - I might have lost a couple, hope not because I can get pretty self absorbed like that and hope they forgive me. In retrospect, I'm ashamed to have lacked so much self control, especially lashing out, but don't know where to begin to apologise. It went on for weeks (maybe +2-3months) but I'm not fully aware. Now, all of a sudden - I can see that for what it was, and strange enough, I'm not even defaulting to beating myself up over it as usual. Wondering if its some kind of bipolar (not just depression). BAck to present moment, I'm pleased to feel good for a change and just wanted to throw it out there. Should I be worried? Is anyone getting this? Felt this before? Daytime is about to break through and I'm actually looking forward to it. Very strange!
