How do I reconnect with him

Hello
I am desperate for help and advice on how to help the man I love. We met last year, and began a beautiful relationship. He is very shy, introverted and 'broken' after having a traumatic childhood and painful relationships most of his life but I loved him from the moment we first met and we talked through our doubts, fell in love and were planning a future together. He admitted that he sometimes feels depressed but has never been diagnosed or had treatment, and there is a history of family depression.

He was going through some very stressful times at work through Nov and Dec and had a couple of very depressive bouts that I was able to sit through with him. He would withdraw the next day embarassed I had seen him so low and emotional but I reassured him that I would always be here for him, that I care very deeply for him and that he can always show or tell me how he is feeling. At the same time I learned to step back and give him some space to ‘regroup’ and when he was up he was great and we communicated constantly. I realised very early on that he is lacking in self esteem and confidence and continually doubted himself but kept telling me how wonderful his life was now that I am sharing it with him and we couldn’t wait to move forward with our life together. I also observed that whenever he is feeling down he puts on a mask to appear as if he is ok, goes to see his teenage child so that he has to stay in that ok mode and this appears to be his coping strategy, but it is not dealing with the illness.

Then just before xmas he was contacted by his ex-partner, a woman who had bullied him for years. I could see his anxiety and fear building up until the night he went to see her and everything fell apart from there. She obviously brought back very distressing memories and he probably hadn’t ever grieved the ending of that relationship 2 years ago and I could see him imploding. At the same time he started to push me away saying he isn’t good enough and I should find someone better. I tried to reassure him that I love him and will do whatever I can to help him deal with things but he just kept withdrawing. I sought counselling advice who told me that he was probably overwhelmed by his feelings for me and afraid to let me love him and the fact that I am the first woman in his life who is not going to hurt him was very confusing. I was advised to give him space to be with family over xmas however he stopped contacting me all together and went steadily downhill to a point where I felt he needed to be hospitalised both for his mental state as well as seriously high blood pressure. He posted concerning things online and when I went to check on him I found him in a very manic state but he refused to talk and took off and has broken all contact with me since. I contacted a family member to let them know my concerns and they are oblivious to his condition which I believe is severe anxiety and depression and told me to leave him alone. He was very distressed by this and I fear that he felt confronted and exposed and yet I am the only one who has seen how bad things are for him and the only one who wants to stick by him and help him get back on the path to health and happiness. I know this is going to be long and rocky road and that we will have tough times ahead but I love him and he is worth it.

I have sent him a few messages over the months to let him know that I care about him and I am here when he is ready to let me in but my counsellor suggested he might be afraid to see me in case I reject him. I am planning to reach out to him soon and just wondering if you can give me some advice on how to reconnect and also if there is a group that I could meet with to learn how to handle these illnesses and how to support the man I love. I don’t want to give up on him.