New to forum & BPD

Hi @TrueColours, I was diagnosed with BPD last week - just made it over the line with 5.5 out of 9 criterias... Currently feeling a bit sorry for myself as my partner is still trying to get over my latest outburst which happened over the weekend. It will take him a few days to do so. He's a bit of a sensitive one... He always remembers what I've said & done... Where as with me, I can forgive/forget someone in like 10 seconds. I'm waiting to see my GP so I can get a referral to start treatment with a Psychologist that is versed in DBT. Itching to get on it, as I feel it's kinda like my last hope to save my relationship, otherwise my partner might finally walk away.... Hope you can get onto some services quick smart. Keep searching, and happy to talk and lend an ear.

Hello @TrueColours

Nice to meet you, I don't think we have met before 🙂

That sounds terribly frustrating about DBT Treatment and the lack of in your area and from what is available is not helpful for you, I thought I might put in the details of the Australian BPD foundation in case you haven't found their website yet, they have some really helpful resources on there:

Australian BPD Foundation

http://bpdfoundation.org.au/services_qld.php

I might also tag some other people who also have experiences with BPD symptoms, @GayBPDmale started a great thread here.

There is also a great thread here by @Jynxme

And another helpful thread here by @Change123

Look forward to getting to know you better,

Lunar 🙂

Hi @TrueColours - and now thanks for your reply - haha. Well my situation with my partner is a bit out of the ordinary, as I sponsored him for Permanent Residency via a Defacto Parter Visa. We're lodging our final Permanent Visa application around the end of June. So that kinda means my "obligation" to him ends at that point. The paranoia and fear in me hopes that he won't leave me after all this PR stuff is done and dusted. I can feel that he genuinely loves me - and has actually stressed on numerous occasions "I am 100% not using you for PR" - but that little Negative Nancy in my brain can't accept his words as true.

I hope you can start your DBT soon, please keep me updated with your progress and any takeaways from your sessions

Hi @sigillumdiaboli@TrueColours@Former-Member

I have BPD and generalised anxiety disorder (all part of the parcel) and totally understand what you are both going through.

I'm 50 years old and was only diagnosed about 5 - 6 years ago even though I know now I have had BPD since I was a teenager. I probably have all the traits except for SH but I did this when I was a teenager. I have been with my partner since then and it has been the most volatile and roller coaster of relationships mainly due to me but also he has his issues which makes it hard for him to cope with me. I have done DBT and found it useful but being honest it wasnt until I was in a "calmer"state of mind that it helped me. I guess the problem we all have is we may know we should do something logically but the mind doesnt let us until you have practiced enough. I started a thread "emotional discipline" this idea really helped me more than anything else. I realised I am good at disciplines but the fact of trying to overcome BPD was all too overwhelming so I broke it down to an emotion at a time and worked on that and gave myself a reward system if I achieved it for that day. I started doing it day to day, maybe one day I would concentrate on rage and keeping calm, then I would concentrate on negativity etc etc and then started putting them slowly together. I kept everything online so it gave me a sense of accountaiblity and support. One thing I have learnt is that you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other to keep going even if it means sometimes taking a step back. Its all about retraining your brain.

In regards to partners and how to keep them, I guess each story is different. One thing I have learnt is that they get very insescure with us particularly if we have done things we cant take back (probably applies to most of us). The more I concentrated on keeping calm around my partner the better things got between us. I know one of you mentioned that they can seem to "sulk for days on end" where as you can get over it quickly, I'm exactly like that and my partner is exactly like yours. I think the cycling BPD makes our mood change for the better quicker than others. But I still have to consciousluy work every day and learn to not listen to my brain when I have faulty thinking. Example at the moment I'm going through peri menopause and after not having my periods for quite a few months and then got them over easter. This sent my BPD into a spin with hormones going crazy. Yesterday was a particularly bad day as it was also my mothers birthday (bad trigger). By the time I got home I had massive rage and then ontop of it my partner snapped at me for something I did and deserved to get snapped at but boy it took every bit of will power to stop myself going off at him. Instead I played with my dog (always found tiring myself out helps) and then kept my distance until I was feeling better.

One thing I have realised is that it never goes away but you can control it to a degree rather than it controlling you but its not easy work at all. No one else can really help us they can give us the tools but it is entirely up to us.

Hope some of this helps.

Hi @TrueColours and @sigillumdiaboli,

Welcome to the forums. I am a 39 year old woman with BPD, diagnosed when I was 19. I can see that if I'd been able to get into a DBT program all those years ago, I would be in a very different space by now. Alas, at that time DBT was only available through private hospitals which was beyond my mum's reach to pay for. I have however worked through the DBT treatment manual and skills training manual by myself and I do find the DBT skills helpful.

In my most recent search for a therapist (super long story!!!!), I was really frustrated by the fact that many therapists SAY they do DBT, but when you press them on it, it turns out they only do the skills component (which is only one of the three components of DBT). I think DBT is an excellent therapeutic approach to treating BPD...but to be truly effective, all three components (skills, individual therapy addressing underlying issues and between-session telephone support) need to be used. Thus I can definitely relate to your frustration about trying to find good support.

I hope you are able to find the support you are looking for @TrueColours and @sigillumdiaboli. I have to say, I find the forums super helpful in filling the void left by my current psychologist refusing to provide much between-session support (although happily, she has, after three months, softened her stance on this and is now a bit more available than she was).