frustratedstepCasual Contributor
Advice for dealing with manipulative young adult
Hi There,
I have been dealing with my stepdaughter for 10 years as she navigates depression (Unipolar). She is extremely manipulative with her father (my partner) and has placed myself, her biological mother and her father in different corners so there is no unity in being able to deal with her depression. Her parents do not interact at all and she weaves a web of stories about each of them to each other. Because of the lack of unity between them they each believe what she says about the other.
She has been quite disrespectful of my relationship with her father and tells people that her father will choose her over me anytime. He firmly believes all her stories and she has now started coming between us, telling him that I have 'changed' towards her and I am mean. She has been living with her mother for a couple of years and tells her Dad that her psychiatrist says that she needs to get away from her mother even though, when she is with us, she will sit outside and have a jovial 40 minute conversation laughing and telling stories with her mother (I don't think she realises we can hear the conversations). She will then return inside and tell us that her mother was verbally abusing her??????
She recently verbally abused me at our home after she had been drinking heavily and my husband told her that she needed to leave. She has since decided that she wants nothing to do with me and my partner is now seeing her on his own. She regularly stays out of contact despite him trying to call and text but, if she wants money or something done, is straight on the phone to get a result. If we travel she will text him endlessly spoiling anytime we have together and once she knows we are on our way home contact stops...until she needs something again. She engages him in an endless array of her medical conditions (supposedly such bad gastro her mother had never seen the likes before - we find out it was actually a severe hangover) or 'dislocated her jaw while she was sleeping' and days of text about this condition followed. She has convinced her Dad that she has such a 'shit life' and will not make any attempt to try and get herself out of it. We have tried encouraging exercise, part-time work, spent a few thousand on a bed, bond and household goods when she decided she was moving out of home with a friend. This lasted a month as tensions arose with the friend - all her friend's fault she assures us. She lies her way around every situation and causes such incredible tension it is almost untenable. I am hoping that someone can help with some advice on how to manage this situation as a step-parent. I find that I am helpless and don't know where to turn. I am becoming resentful of the way she is driving a wedge between my partner and I. I want to help her but I think that needs to be called up on some of her actions and take accountability for her actions. I know that my partner wants to support her in every way but she manipulates every situation and treats him with such disrespect it really makes me sad for him. I love my partner very much and I just need advice on how we can navigate this.
