WolfchildCasual Contributor
Welcome to My NIghtmare
PTSD has cost me a lot since I first started having serious episodes in 2012. More than anything it has cost me sleep. After the initial crisis including hospitalisations and the usual psychiatric assessments (the Dr will Skype you now) came the medication go round. Then I found online forums and got moderated off one after the other after the other. You can't use this word or that phrase. You can't swear, you can't be too descriptive. For .... sake aren\t we made of tougher stuff than that?
But I digress. Medication has been the usual kaleidescope, finally settling on the least evil one that might knock me out all night and half the day, but at least I don't have to eat like a pig all day on it. For 12 months now I have been medicated but have ceased psychiatric visits. I had to leave work late last year (wasn\'t POLITE enough for the workplace) and had resigned myself to a pharmaceutically modified, flat, restricted existence.
Until about a week ago when the nightmares started again. I would love to be able to share more about that but I keep getting moderated off other forums over it and I am guessing this one is no different. Anyway the point is the nightmares are back. Fleeting seconds at first, then minutes then half hour blocks. By the end of the week I suspect I will be back to very little sleep, dossing on the lounge so my long suffering partner can get some rest and losing my grip all over again.
I have been here before staring into the abyss. It's back, stalking me in the shadows and I can't help feeling it is going to get me this time. There seems to be no real, lasting answer only making the best of a bad situation and medicating the rest.
I can't go through all that again and I truly do not know where to go from here. I have tried everything and wonder if I am even meant to live. (Probably get moderated off for that comment too but it is genuinely how I feel).
But I digress. Medication has been the usual kaleidescope, finally settling on the least evil one that might knock me out all night and half the day, but at least I don't have to eat like a pig all day on it. For 12 months now I have been medicated but have ceased psychiatric visits. I had to leave work late last year (wasn\'t POLITE enough for the workplace) and had resigned myself to a pharmaceutically modified, flat, restricted existence.
Until about a week ago when the nightmares started again. I would love to be able to share more about that but I keep getting moderated off other forums over it and I am guessing this one is no different. Anyway the point is the nightmares are back. Fleeting seconds at first, then minutes then half hour blocks. By the end of the week I suspect I will be back to very little sleep, dossing on the lounge so my long suffering partner can get some rest and losing my grip all over again.
I have been here before staring into the abyss. It's back, stalking me in the shadows and I can't help feeling it is going to get me this time. There seems to be no real, lasting answer only making the best of a bad situation and medicating the rest.
I can't go through all that again and I truly do not know where to go from here. I have tried everything and wonder if I am even meant to live. (Probably get moderated off for that comment too but it is genuinely how I feel).
