Looking for the right psychologist' "THE PROCESS' is it just me

Besides a referral to a psych, is there a better way to help with a disorder.... she is sort of starting to believe something, but not at all to explain her situation correctly....

So this is how I see mine/family situation and so far what I have had dealings with the psych industry.. In short it's very little, I'm 42 and from the age of 20-30 I worked in a prison and every now and then the psych wards at long bay, I saw some serious mental illness there and felt like I had a good understanding of the whole criminal mentality, with out experiencing any of the bad upbringing, I think I was one of the most compassionate guys there without getting the wool pulled over my eyes too often, From there I ended up with some really good friends that were psych, they were like my clubbing/drinking friends from about 25-30, all from Great Britain and. New Zealand , and from them there were heaps of other psych nurses about. A couple were really high up in management with in NSW, and now back in Great Britain, I remember them saying how far behind we are here, but never really agreed or got into it, mainly they said a psych ward in Britain would never have prison officers in it, so, I always kinda felt I new who might of been a little bit troubled mentally, I think any way.. my dad who was a good guy, flipped a bit when he retired and it was really obvious and I took it serious and he got help, thanks to moving to the country with his sister for a while and getting on medication and he was back about a year later. That turned out good and I credit my auntie mostly for that. Then about 8 yr ago I met my partner, broke up, and then 5 yr ago got back together, instant family... I always knew something was up, but you could never get anywhere cause you were always either defending yourself, just not talking or trying to help her feel good about things but mostly in the end, you avoid her at all costs, as that's what comes naturally, anyway towards the end of me not understanding her she through a couple of spanners in the works, one day I was taken to hospital, seen by a nurse, and then had two psychiatric appointments , (public system) same questions from everyone, do you work, sleep, ever thought of self harm, money troubles, depressed anxious etc, now to be honest, the dumbest bloke in the world would know the answers to this if they wanted to not want someone to know what was up., but actually, I'm all good in these areas, I just wanted to talk about my partner as I had just worked out about some sort of disorder, at the end he prescribed some medication and when I asked what will it do, he just said help deal with your partner... I just said yes and didn't worry about it, then two weeks later another psych interview, just 5 mins, same questions, told me just to take the medication, and I said, mate, what do you really think is wrong, and he flat out said you are in a drug induced psychosis and this will get you out of it, then every day or two someone would ring up and be asking similar questions until it just seemed to go away, then I got an AVO not really from her, but the police have to act anyway, because she did report it, I can tell u I got a clean record, 42 yr old, the most non violent bloke ever, it was really obvious that it was made up in the heat of the moment, I thought anyway, but I represented my self and cause I didn't think I needed to cross exam It was still guilty with no conviction, but then and this is definetly my fault , the judge was asking the guy if he wants to continue the avo and for how long, he kinda didn't know the case from a bar of soap, and he went out side the court to ask my partner, she left and didn't wait for the verdict so then he asked me. I said "I don't care" meaning I ain't going to hit anyone anytime but he thought I just didn't give a fuck, and then sent me to anger management and a 2 yr bond.... so I met a lady at community services , explained the situation and she was going to ring my partner and then see what to do, I came back two weeks later and the same lady wasn't there, and the next lady had a quick look over thinks, told me I had 2 choices to ring to do violence against women course, to see a doctor and get on a mental health plan, that where I'm up to in life, trying to get my partner help, which you virtually are not allowed to do , with an avo on me, while having to do the same thing, which makes things really hard when your partners problem is basically to hate on you especially when you want to get help and I gotta do what's right, and she can't really help how she thinks about me, and the process is that she needs to get the help, but that'll just never happen, I asked on the forum for help, it's even against the rules... and this process is the process, I got one chance I reckon to have a go and see to fix this, I feel that I'm the only one who cares for her and the family, I know I'm ready for it, we have kids and it's virtually taken out of my hands to get the best help, and the one person who can give the best information is totally out of the loop. Is it even illegal to get help from psychs, off the record, I would prefer it off the record as she wouldn't want a diagnosis of some disorder with kids, she would assume the worst, I just want it fixed or the best chance of getting it fixed without going through the process over and over, does everyone have to go through this, is there many success stories or does it have to get to depression and craziness before someone will help... am I legally able to pick someone who suits, see if they can get there head around the exact problem and then go through a details plan of the best way to fix it with the least inconvenience and pain for the person, or while every mental decision in life needs to be made for your kids, yourself, and in life in general, you are assumed incompitant to help here... when anyone who know about disorders would know the hard bit is to stick around firstly and then get the person to get help is nearly impossible and when she hopefully says ok, let me see someone, no one is there ready, I gotta say, go and get a referral, it doesn't work that way in this case...