Struggling with Grief and Multiple Life Events

Hi @MichC welcome to

the forum. It’s wise you have reached out to share. It sounds like you have been going through a very difficult time.

12 months is such a short time after losing a partner, and you have even more major life events going on - anticipatory grief leading up to your wife’s passing, retirement with loss of its identity, discerning what retirement life looks like for you, a new relationship then a breakup which hurts at the best of times, caring for your mother and re-engaging the workforce. No wonder your emotions are “mixed” to say the least. I’d say what you are feeling is very understandable yet pretty normal at this stage - you are not losing it. There is no way around grief, you have to go through it as you discern and adjust to the new world around you and find new meaning/purpose. But you don’t have to go through it alone - there is SANE and its Recovery Club, different grief supports in different states and grief counselling if needed.

For some relief from distress in the moment, try finding a grounding technique that works for you:

• https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/support-toolkit/techniques-and-guides/finding-relief-through-grounding-techniques

What do you feel would be most supportive for you right now?

Hi @MichC

I really just wanted to say hello and welcome you to the forums. It sounds like you have been through a lot over the past 14 months, I think anyone would be overwhelmed by it.

Grief is such an individual thing and there is no one correct way to handle it. Crying several times a day sounds very natural and normal. When my Mum died, I really wailed every day for months, but it was cathartic. I sobbed my heart out. I'm glad I did, because it gave me a sense of calm afterwards. Then with that sense of clam, I was able to move about and do things, albeit quite slowly.

You may benefit from counselling to work through all the different feelings you are having. Personally, I found having a professional to talk to very helpful. I found it validating. Saying things out loud helps to get your head around them.

Have you thought of working only part-time for a while? It might help you to adjust to this new phase in your life.

Thank you for your response. Yes I am working part time. 30 hours per week. When approached to apply, I identified 3 criteria, one was part time, two was totally online and not having to turn up to an office, and three was that they understood I would be travelling in my van. Unfortunately at this point in time I do not feel like travelling in the van due to memories, but I hope to renew that travel motivation at some point. While the job takes my focus away from the life issues, it also creates the feeling of why should ZI be working and not out enjoying myself. I know I should be grateful, and I am, but thats just how mixed up I am right now.

Thank you. I clicked on the link and read through them. I have heard of many of those grounding techniques. My go to is probably the slow deep breathing, and sitting back in my chair, stopping whatever I am doing, and taking a moment. But that`s when I think of it! Its not completely automatic yet. That lasts for a while.