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Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

ManderleyCasual Contributor24 Oct 2026, 8:28 pm AEDT

Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Hi all,

I won’t give a huge spiel, but after lurking for a while it’s clear this is a beautifully supportive community, it didn’t really occur to me how validating it would be to hear the stories of others with similar struggles.

My teenage son, nearly 18 has BPD and I wondered if there were many parents or guardians around who have been through this journey? Including those with sons more broadly with aggression or violence issues.. I’m seeing a helping minds counsellor which is so helpful but I’d be keen just to hear from others who have had similar experiences.

I love my son so much, but this is such an isolating experience. I feel that only my mum who has seen the aggression in full flight understands.

Content/Trigger warning: Physical Aggression

He has punched holes through multiple doors, has at times grabbed me by my shoulders and pulled my legs out from under me. Never punched me or anything like that. I understand it’s a form of domestic violence, however he is my son so I need to manage the best I can. I have a plan if things get bad.

But! My real question is, do your friends and even broader family support you? Obviously these situations are so reliant on what you share, however I have told some friends and family members about the really dire circumstances of some incidents but it just seems like a “oh that’s so awful, I’m sorry. If you need me, call” kind of response. But then nothing. No check in, no “can I come by for a coffee ? No real follow through, only the usual friend group trip to a wine bar etc. I think it’s a case of them not really knowing what to do, but I’m finding myself resenting them for their lack of support. I’m a single parent, no other parent in the picture. As many would know, it’s extremely isolating. Does anyone have advice on how I can reframe this or stop leaning towards resentment? I love my friends and my family, but I feel so let down.

7 replies

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In response to: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

BAOModerator24 Oct 2026, 8:49 pm AEDT

Re: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Dear @Manderley ,

I hear how challenging and lonely it may be when going through such a difficult time.

As much as it would be lovely for people to check-in, often, I wonder if they really don't know what to say or do. This uncertainty can stop people from reaching out. It's not because they don't care, but maybe that they don't know what would help.

Have you tried reaching out and sharing what would be helpful for you when things are tough?

There may also be some BPD support groups in your area. You can have a look here: https://www.bpdfoundation.org.au/

Please know you are not alone.

In response to: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

RadderSenior Contributor24 Oct 2026, 9:01 pm AEDT

Re: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Hi @Manderley I don't personally have lived experience of such a tough situation but hopefully others in the forum can respond.

Not sure if this is helpful: https://www.spectrumbpd.com.au/information-resources/information-for-families-friends-carers/carer-101

Does he have a good psychologist who can give him tools to manage his distress in the moment and explore what is behind it?

In response to: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

ManderleyCasual Contributor24 Oct 2026, 9:01 pm AEDT

Re: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Thank you. Yes I did consider they don’t know how to support me. I just feel a little silly telling them those things

Also to add, I’d very much welcome not necessarily advice but if you have similar experiences, i would really welcome having those chats too

In response to: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

ManderleyCasual Contributor24 Oct 2026, 9:08 pm AEDT

Re: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Thanks Radder for your support and the resource, that’s a great one.

It brought up that when I try to step away and stop engaging in their bombardment of texts, he feels like I’ve abandoned him which I know is a fear for people with BPD. He tells me it makes him go to more extremes in his behavior such as threatening to do things to my property. He says this makes him think I’ll come around and talk to him even though he just wants me to give in to his demands.

im getting better at trying to see these as empty threats and reassuring him that I love him and need time to recharge, but it’s difficult! 🥹

In response to: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

BAOModerator24 Oct 2026, 9:16 pm AEDT

Re: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Hi @Radder ,

I've just tagged you for the most above from @Manderley

In response to: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

RadderSenior Contributor25 Oct 2026, 11:32 am AEDT

Re: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Hi @Manderley it's tough not knowing what is best to do, and I assume you never expected to have to learn about BPD. For some people, knowledge is power - it may be helpful to explore https://bpdaustralia.org to learn more about BPD.

Most parents always want to put their children before their own needs, but self-care is critical - you can help him better if you are not exhausted. There are many resources but perhaps this is a start:

https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/the-sane-blog/caring-for-others/self-care-13-ways-to-support-yourself-and-someone-you-love-through-a-mental-health-crisis

There may be other parents on this forum with similar life experience who will reply to these posts, but I don't think 1:1 chats are possible on this platform. So you may be better looking into support groups like @BAO mentioned. You may also them via https://www.carergateway.gov.au

In response to: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

Princess_123Casual Contributor28 Oct 2026, 3:44 pm AEDT

Re: Isolation in caring for my teen with borderline personality disorder

I hear you. I’m in a similar situation and feel very isolated and disappointed that friends don’t get the struggle. I am sorry you are going through this. I don’t have any advice.

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