Seasound23Casual Contributor
Perceptions of the Older Male Widower
Hi - I am interested in the experience of males who are widowed, and of women who know male widowers. I am particularly referring to my situation as an older male, in my early seventies. I have always got on well with women and enjoyed their company. After my wife died, I felt that some women including those who I knew independently of my wife began to treat me differently. I sensed that some were wary and from what they intimated, they were concerned that because I am now single and by myself, I might try and 'crack on to them', ask them out etc. So in order to avoid this context, they withdrew from me somewhat, or were explicit in demarcating about when we would see each other e.g. 'see you at the next social group meeting' (and not elsewhere by implication), or perhaps made sure that there were talking to me when others were around. These type of messages made me feel uncomfortable, a bit like a pariah. There is a lot of room for misunderstandings in this context, and I might be wrong some of the time. You have to believe me that I am always courteous to women and respect them, and don't have any sort of reputation of being a sleeze or similar. A lot of this might be attributable just to normal gender politics. Of course, women have a lot to be wary about as far as men's behaviour goes, but it is sadly ironic, that just at the time when a widower many need support, some of his potential supporters make themselves scarce. I wonder if other widowers have experienced this, or it might also apply to divorced or separated men. And I wonder if some women members would like to comment on this. What strategies might work to try and remove some tension from some of these cross gender interactions in this context?
