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Managing thoughts of suicide & self-harm

Venting (Isolation, SI, BPD/BD)

nightbloomCasual Contributor19 Oct 2026, 1:48 pm AEDT

Venting (Isolation, SI, BPD/BD)

I am so exhausted of my own inconsistency. I don't know how to manage my mood swings or if they are mood swings at all. I know clarification, answers and getting a diagnosis will take a while. But I genuinely don't know what is wrong with me, and I don't even mean that in a negative tone at all.

Just a few days ago I felt amazing and like I had my shit together for once. Like I could actually get through this, it was just a bad day/week/month and that things are looking up from now. Now I cant even get out of bed, I cant focus on what needs to get done, I feel so down, I cant stop crying and I can't help these thoughts of SH/SI.

It simply feels like there is no remedy when I keep ending up back here. I just want to be a normal person, I want to be out there living my life like everyone else. To have dreams and goals, to study and work on a career for myself, to have friends or a social circle.

I am only so young (20F) but I feel like my life is already over. I have decades ahead of me, things I haven't done, places I haven't even explored, yet what is the point if i'm going to be dealing with this for the rest of my life.

I don't want to complain or woe is me but it is really unfair that I am struggling so much now because of my past and at the hands of others. I constantly greif my potential and the type of person i'd be without all this pain and misery im forced to carry.

Nonetheless, I try my best to constantly stay positive and be a helping hand to those around me. I am currently fostering and looking after a litter of puppies, so that is something to keep me occupied and to look forward to. I am starting a new job soon, though it's only temporary I am grateful. My first cousin is getting married in two weeks so that is exciting.

Reading the discussions on here reminds me that there is so much pain in the world, and everyone is going through something, I really hope everyone is okay and safe.

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In response to: Venting (Isolation, SI, BPD/BD)

JynxModerator19 Oct 2026, 4:34 pm AEDT

Re: Venting (Isolation, SI, BPD/BD)

@nightbloom I'm sorry to hear that things are so up and down for you, that can be so frustrating. Mood swings can be incredibly exhausting and very challenging to manage. I can understand feeling disheartened by feeling so down - perhaps you could also try to remember that you will likely swing back again, and won't feel this way forever.

It's normal to feel grief, a sense of loss and even anger, over the ways that our past can rob us of the opportunities to live our lives in the way we want. It can take time to process these feelings and learn to live in the now, to make what we do have work for us. Your life is far from over, and many who have similar diagnoses/experiences to you are able to lead full lives and learn how to find flow amongst the ups and the downs alike.

It is also okay for you to be talking about these feelings and frustrations - it's not complaining if you need to get things off your chest, vent your feelings, and feel like you're being witnessed. I'm glad to hear that you have some things to look forward to, I hope they can bring some lightness and some hope to your circumstances.

If the SH/SI thoughts persist, worsen, or become overwhelming, please don't hesitate to reach out. You don't deserve to go through this alone. Some options for support:

Lifeline: Phone - Call 13 11 14

Chat – Visit https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-chat/

Suicide Callback Service: Phone – Call 1300 659 467

Chat – Visit https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/

Samaritans: Phone – Call 116 123

Chat - Visit https://www.samaritans.org/

All the best on your journey :)

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